ME

I thought it would take time

To let go

I thought it would take a while

For you to leave me alone

Those daydreams and

Wishes on stars

Seems forgotten

Promises broken

You promised you would

never hurt me

You promised you would

look out for me

Why do I feel

so lonely and alone

Why do I feel

I have no one at home

They say it takes time

time to heal

Band aids never

do come out easy

Then why does it

hurt still

Why do I

miss you still

I have moved on

made myself busy

But sometimes

something triggers the memory

I walk past that shop

where we tried out costumes

laughed like idiots

howled at the moon

I listen to that song

that we played on repeat

danced on the beds

sang to karaoke

We used to lay down

beneath the open sky

Talk about the future

never knew you would fly

Now I avoid

that shop, those songs

But tell me how do I avoid you

when the heartless stars

follow me along

They tell me to forget you

Its been a long while

Band aid long gone

The wound is still inside

You said you never lie

you said you would never leave

you lied when you left

why did you leave

Long drives

on curvy roads

Windows open

trying to unload

Creating new memories

Meeting new ones

Trying out stuff

Even going on a run

You said you wouldn’t leave me

You are right you never did

I see you everywhere I look

Your presence I am trying to get rid

“Quit it!!” I say

Leave me alone

You say you made a promise

You can’t see me forlorn

Leave me leave me please

Let me move on let me be

No come back I beg of you

I need to hold on I need to see

I need to mourn

I need you

need you

please

don’t go

don’t ever

let go

Lost

alone

Wild in pain

helpless

hopeless

feeling insane

********

I cry in silence

They mock me otherwise

They need to understand

Screaming out loud helps pain subside

So I stand in the balcony

Gazing at the stars

Gazing at memories

Gazing at the scars

Coz even though you ripped me

like a band aid

I can’t howl like they do

They label me with shame

Maybe

screaming will scare you away

Maybe

you might run away

So I shall be quiet

utterly still

Wait for the angel

await the drill

I know you shall be waiting

at the gates of heaven

Renew the memories

Let the games begin.

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47 thoughts on “ME

  1. Can I just say I am sitting here, staring at the Computer screen *Jaw Dropped* ?? Woww… This is sooo beautiful, as if you have actually been there… To be honest I hope U have never been there… To that hurtful a position!!! It’s painful but amazing words to be read!!! Aaliyah no wonder my friend do I love you so Much.. You are an amazing talented young *BRAT* 😛 lol.. was kidding!! I love you habibthi! :* May Allah reunite us in Jannah… Aameen!!! ❤ Highest level Indeed!
    Btw… please for my relief tell me this is not written from your experience my dear! Coz I wish Allah (SWT) never gives you such a huge test!! Ameen! I know that pain of losing loved ones so dear, breaking every single promise I held close to my heart, & still regret trusting such people steadfast!
    " You said you wouldn’t leave me

    You are right you never did

    I see you everywhere I look

    Your presence I am trying to get rid

    “Quit it!!” I say

    Leave me alone

    You say you made a promise

    You can’t see me forlorn

    Leave me leave me please

    Let me move on let me be

    No come back I beg of you

    I need to hold on I need to see

    I need to mourn

    I need you

    need you

    please

    don’t go"

    My favourite lines of dilemma one faces… I love your work!! And I expect more of it from you! :* In sha Allah! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Ish. Alhumdulillah I haven’t been able to experience the pain of a closed one yet but a friend of mine did. This was an attempt to empathise and eulogize that pain.
      You are too sweet habibthi. I pray we do meet up in Jannah for a tight hug and loads of chocolates.
      Thank you for sharing your favourite lines. They are my favourite too as it exemplifies the anguish at its peak.
      Thanks again for supporting me and my work with such sweet words. I am smiling wide reading your comment. Such love!!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Wow then this is even more amazing, as this is expressing the pain really well… This also proves how sweet a friend you are.. Your friend is indeed very lucky to have you, habibthi! :*
        Ameen ya rabbul aalameen!! hahaah chocolates… I think I should go ahead and save this somewhere so that I remember this very well when I come to meet you! 🙂 😉 😛
        So true.,.. these lines are catchy and indeed serves its purpose! 😀
        hehehe… ❤ it's soo sweet! 🙂 Aww love you! :*

        Like

  2. You know the best thing about this new ‘experiment’ of yours is that it feels like its real. Like you are there.
    Like you are almost there.
    All the while reading I could not help but compare it to my poem , “You’re here; right here.”
    It felt like the proceedings of it.
    You wrote it so well.

    “Why do I

    miss you still

    I have moved on

    made myself busy

    But sometimes

    something triggers the memory”

    The imagery that comes into my mind is really painful. Making yourself busy with stuffs and every time you pause is because someone crossed your mind.
    How do you do this?
    You make laugh at one thing.
    And then you make me cry at another.

    “Maybe

    screaming will scare you away”

    I felt like as if someone is saying to me, “Dafaa ho jaao”
    Heheee. . 😉

    “Maybe

    you might run away

    So I shall be quiet

    utterly still”

    What a beauty!
    But, being silent is never the solution. This way you’re being selfish by caring and concerning things only about and to yourself.
    May be letting the words out shall help.
    Just like making a post, having a direct conversation would be a better option.

    “Wait for the angel

    await the drill”

    This was so nice lady.
    I can imagine you being ruthless at everything and just waiting for the angel of death to arrive because you can’t wait but desire strongly to be taken to Jannah as you mentioned in the coming lines.

    “I know you shall be waiting

    at the gates of heaven”

    And here you portrayed it so well as to why you would ‘await the drill’. That someone is already waiting for you at the Gates of Jannah to escort you to with him to a place where you’d stay forever this way.

    “This is the best poem I had read till date.”
    Don’t stress yourself in thinking that where has this line come from in the poem because of the apostrophes. Its not your line. Its mine. 😀
    Okay! Sorry. Its for you though. I mean your poem.

    Oh! I wish I was the one who wrote it. But, then I wish I didn’t because that would mean I would have to go through all the pain.
    But, then again I wish it weren’t you to go through it instead.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I read it in the tone and beats of “I wish you would”.
    Never knew I was friends with such an awesome expressive blogger! The imagery was quite a ride, dude. Do more of this stuff. You’ll nail it.
    (I promised myself that I won’t comment, to stay hidden, but then I was like, this deserves more than a star. Keep shining bro! )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Now I am listening to it and this became even more special.
      Thank you Mahaah.Glad to hear positive feedback. Just branching and experimenting. Baby steps haha.
      (Awww now I am floored. Appreciate it. Good luck for exams chutki 🙂

      Like

    1. Haha yaar dunno, just an attempt.
      Ooooh yes yes yes let’s go together. Heaps of fun it will be!!!
      Thanks Inky. You keep smiling too yeah?
      For sure. Although with the weather here in Melbourne : the damn clouds always get in the way 😦

      Liked by 1 person

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