Stranger Danger

So how does this arranged marriage thing work exactly? I know that there is the match-making rishta karaane waali aunty and relatives and matrimonial sites involved. And then one sends photos and a proper bio-data.

For those who don’t know the insides working on how to meet your dream guy/girl (desi arrange marriage version), allow me to explain. I am relatively new to it as well. Not foreign to the concept but I am an actual participant this time so I get to know the deets. Somewhat. Anyway,so what happens is, the parents tell everyone that their daughter/son is of age and that they are looking for a groom/bride. So those who are hiding and withholding back their eligible kids, bring it on. Some parents even put up their sons/daughters for auction on matrimonial sites where interested people view the profiles and sell off their sons in return for daughter-in-laws and vice versa. And then there are rishta aunties : you know those aunties whose eyes are magnified under glasses and who eye you up and down and they only attend parties to see which sheep are good for purchase. They get paid if the proposals come to fruition. To be honest this match-making tendency is a genetic trait in all desi aunties and they love pairing any and every boy to any and every girl even if they don’t get paid. It’s a charity work. Us kids are the charity cases.

desi aunty

Once both parties are set up, comes the exchange of photos and biodata. The bio-data is just like a resume you would send for a job and I guess it makes sense because of course I am applying for the role of a wife (duh) and if they approve of my bio-data, I get accepted. You also have to mention the qualifications of parents,how many siblings (what they do,if they are married) plus jobs and contact details of paternal uncles (I know,weird). And all this I get.

proposal

Next comes the formal meeting. How do you know in the meetings and phone calls prior to marriage if he is the right person for you? Even a drug-dealer looks innocent while on trams and trains. You can’t tell if the person is being genuine or not. Plus what questions do you ask? How do you tell if he is an underground criminal or hiding a girlfriend underground? How do you tell if he is wearing a wig or is that his real hair? How do you know whether he is not that weird psycho protective one who won’t allow you to blog after marriage? What if he has an annoying habit of biting his nails, or scratching his ear incessantly, or spitting at every corner? What if he has those racky coughs or snores loudly or laughs weirdly like hyenas? What if he smokes?Is it ok to ask whether he knows how to cook? How much he earns?Does he have a short temper? (I guess after all these questions, I will have the short temper question answered 😛 ) How do you know if he doesn’t really want to marry but his parents want him to? How do you know if he is being forcefully married? He would hate me then. Also do you look him in the eyes and talk to appear confident or is that considered brash and bold by desi standards? Do you ask too many questions in the first meeting or leave it for later?I mean will there even be a later? And how do you know you have clicked? I have too many awkward situations in my life to handle that happens involuntarily and then this??? This is straight up jumping into the most awkward pretentious situation ever.

I guess its the fear of the unknown.I am not bashing the concept of arranged marriage but it doesn’t look too promising either.Most of my friends have been arranged married happily. And in sha Allah I will too. The destination is out there. It’s the journey that scares me. This whole process of getting to know the right guy. Of making him the right guy for you. Of leaving your family behind. Of entering into a brand new family.My friends have done it. Millions of other girls have gone through the process. It won’t be that bad right? Right?

rishta pic

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61 thoughts on “Stranger Danger

  1. You are just out of this world Aaliyah Ma’am.
    Ab mujhe bhi padhana shuru kar dein…
    How do you do this?
    I read it before too. But, I am laughing harder this time even. 😀 😛
    Well written. Well done.
    And all the best to you and your husband.
    May Allah certify his enormous blessing upon you every moment.
    Go for it. And keep blogging quite often. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is SO FUNNY! And I’m not even indian, but we have similar traditions I would say! 😉
    But sister, don’t be afraid of marriage, it’s a wonderful thing alhamdulillah 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh my darlin 🙂 a lot of the traditions you mentioned are similar to Tajik culture but my husband obviously isn’t super traditional or he wouldn’t have married me :p I’m sorry for all the stress and worry you are going through. No matter what our traditions are marriage always causes anxiety. I know everything will work out for you inshALLAH! But might not want to watch that arranged tv show I blogged about. Honestly the Indian couple are annoying and I don’t want you to be negatively affected by television

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww thank you Star. Thank you for the wishes and prayers and your sweet and funny comment. I laughed at the arranged TV show haha. Now that the exam is over, I might watch an episode to have a laugh and destress. And of course I shall keep in mind that reality shows are not really reality.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Now girlie you have to tell me is this just a post to inform us of arrange marriages .. or….. are you going through the process? If so good luck hun!.. Nothing beats desi aunties and their gossiping, especially at weddings! I remember, when I was around 14, I went to Pakistan for a holiday wedding, and I got FOUR proposals .. FOUR! I WAS 14! Needless to say, I was so shocked and scared, because I wasn’t used to that here in the UK. Now, I am just thankful that I am married .. and no longer have to deal with “proposals” . This post did make me giggle though!
    Saira
    throughtheglitterglass.wordpress.com
    xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha how about both? Thank you.
      And wow at 14? Lol poor you. That just means you were perfiity perfect at a young age itself haha.
      I am glad my post made you giggle. Thanks for sharing. I am not that stressed anymore 😀

      Like

  5. hahahahaa!!! Woww… I guess we are in a lot of similar situations!! My parnts too are in frantic search of a Raja for me! 😛 hahahahaaha!!!! This is sooo good!! ❤ truly if you get married to someone who doesn't let you blog I will be a murderer! 😉 😛 ahahahaha! ❤ In sha Allah may Allah bless you with the best guy and may he support you as a friend, and be your prince charming! 😉 Ameen!!
    ❤ the images… perfectly apt for this! 😛

    Liked by 3 people

  6. hahaha, thank you Dear for making me laugh! the pictures you put are so funny! and indeed what you put in humor is a big question and concern. I will share with you one of my funny incidents when I was going through this situation which starts early , in your teens in india .There was one Aunty who sent proposal for his son but she was too sick to come to our home , so she invited us to her place, the son was not there as he will see girl once his parents have approved, OKay. Then come the father of guy with his Diary and sat next to me, He had his questions Ready, most funny question s I remember , Beta what is your height , and your weight ,an you write it here ? the mother was like, O in your pcitures you look fat but you arent fat ?? Wow nice to tell me 😀 and for tea I told them no sugar for me please, Why beta you have diabetes ? 😀 😀 I kept making faces to my mom and she kept giving me sorry looks ! and at home we had good laugh about them all 😛

    Liked by 7 people

    1. OMG Sana this was soooo funny to read. I had a good chuckle. Elders in India seriously!! You can only shake your head at their antics. Uncle with a diary LOL and aunty’s unfiltered comments on appearance, I can totally relate. Poor you.
      I am still laughing imagining the scenario. Thanks for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. hahaha I was laughing even writing it but your post sent me to the past so shared with you a throwback memory 😀 :D, I have many more but this one was most hilarious ,and it is a sad reflection of our society in India how all these things are so normal !

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Aww lol Aaliyah I know what you mean since I’ve seen it happening so many places but I hope you end up getting together with someone you actually enjoy living with and who doesn’t have all those nasty habits!

    Liked by 2 people

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