Bingey Jumping

Current mood : lazy. Current action : procrastination. Currently drinking : orange juice. Currently web surfing : how to get motivated to study for 12 hours non stop with no breaks in between so that even if a tsunami comes rushing, it will have to wait coz ain’t nobody got time for interruptions.

A website suggested that as a motivation I should make a checklist of the things I wish to do after finishing my exams.

Here’s my checklist : (Warning : excessive repetitive use of the word binge. If you get allergic reactions or epileptic attacks at my continual verbose, scroll down with eyes closed for my important announcement.)

1. Binge YouTubing
2. Binge eating chocolates
3. Binge sleeping
4. Binge eating chocolates
5. Binge reading new books
6. Binge eating chocolates
7. Binge WordPressing
8. Eating chocolates
9. Binge shopping
10. Eating chocolates
11. Binge cooking
12. Eat chocolates
13. Binge learning new languages
14. Eat chocolates
15. Binge visiting all attractions of Melbourne
16. Eat chocolates
17. Binge driving lessons
18. Chocolates
19. Binge visiting countries
20. Trying out new chocolates
21. Binge wedding planning
22. Chocolates
23. Binge attending parties
24. To eat chocolates
25. Binge meeting up with friends
26. Chocolat
27. Binge bungee jumping
28. Chocola
29. Binge cleaning out my wardrobe
30. Chocol
31. Binge starting a new hobby
32. Choco
33. Binge exercising (really?)
34. Choc
35. Binge pampering myself with facials and mani/pedis
36. Cho
37. Binge travelling the world
38. Ch
39. Binge helping out the elderly at senior homes
40. C
41. Can’t binge no more
42. …..

Current mood : Satiated with a little bit of nausea. Current action : lying on the floor amid wrappers of chocolates. Currently drinking : Air. Currently web surfing : How to get up from the floor when your stomach is so full of chocolates you can’t even breathe.

As you can tell, I need to get a life. And according to desi protocol, one can only get a life with straight A’s and a perfect GPA score of 4.0. So I googled on how to achieve that and Google advised me to try out something risky and daring like getting off the internet and going out on a date with my textbooks and lecture notes. I am always up for adventures so I shall try it. And hence I shall be unavailable till the 12th of November. But like the Terminator says : I’ll be baak!! To binge read all yo posts and to binge write some of my own!!

P.S. That’s not me in the feature image. That’s my twin sister Aariyah 😛 We both love to binge-eat and I decided to click her photo in the act. She looks like she is thinking something deep in the photo but trust me she is not deep like me. The deepest thought she ever had was why are mornings called mornings and not mournings coz ya know, one mourns to have to get up to go to school/work?

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Liebster Awards 2,3 and 4

Yesterday was award season at blogsphere. My feed was swamped with everyone doing award posts. I have been procrastinating doing mine for a month now and I have more lovely people nominating me for various awards now and then. Decided to push my musings for awards today.

I received 3 more Liebster Awards from Jade, Adi and Ahmad, I really want a trophy now guys instead of answering your questions.

Jade is my sister from another mister. She recently started this brilliant initiative of opening a Facebook group for bloggers as a platform for new bloggers to establish their base. Go support her by following her and joining the facebook group. I get chocolates as part of my commission so please do 😛

Adi is a talented and creative blogger with vivid imagery to her words. Her 6 word short story challenges are my favourite. Follow her to participate in the challenges

Ahmad is a brilliant poet whose articulate words leaves me in awe. I am personally biased to his Urdu poems but his English poems are just as good. Check it out.

Jade’s questions :

1) What is perfect love for you?

Hmmm this is hard as I haven’t experienced perfect love yet. No wait, my mum. She has shown what perfect love is. Always kind,forgiving,patient. I always admire her big heart and hope to inherit the magnanimity trait from her.

2) Dancing in the rain or snow fight?

Dancing in the rain ftw!! Indian rain that is. When it rained here in Australia, I rushed out to soak the gentle pitter patter and boyy were they rocks pelting? I was like Owww owww stop, I am leaving geez.

3) What’s the best thing about kids?

Their innocent smile. I am talking about babies till 1 year of age. Any older and they turn devils.

4) Hit me with the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done

I am generally a goody-goody so I didn’t do anything dangerous. But will riding the world’s fastest roller coaster at Ferrari world count?

5) Which other language would you want to learn ?

Arabic.

6) Your favourite movie?

Lion King.

7) What keeps you motivated to keep blogging?

Comments from my readers.

8) What superhero power do you want?

The ability to fall sleep as soon as I hit the bed.

9) What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

Towel

10) Tell me something about you no one else in the blogosphere knows.

Hmm all my posts are autobiographical so there really isn’t anything you wouldn’t know. But one thing no one else here knows is my brushing schedule. So I wet my toothbrush before applying toothpaste on it, re-wet it and brush my teeth.

Adi’s questions :

1. If you could choose one superpower, what would it be and why?

To be invisible so I can travel the whole world without bothering for passport visas and all. Also to prank people.

2. Which is better – Harry Potter the book or Harry Potter the film? If you haven’t experienced either, I am so disappointed!

Book book book!! Always (HP fans would get the reference 😉

3. Which was the last picture you took with your phone?

Henna design that I did on my hand the other day.

4. What’s the colour of your toothbrush?

Pink. That was easiest to answer. Thanks Adi.

5. If you could be a flower, which one would you be?

No faiirr!! I love all flowers. But if I must,the red rose.

6. Polar bear or Penguin?

Can I have both?

7. You just won a free ticket to anywhere on Earth. Where would you go?

New York

8. Koala bear or Panda?

Arrrghh again? Bothhh

9. If you could marry a fictional character, who would it be and why?

Augustus Waters of The fault in our stars. Or Four of Divergent series. They are entirely devoted to their love. That’s why they are fictional 😛

10. What question do you hate to answer?

This question

11. What’s the answer to answer 10?

What question do you hate to answer?

Ahmad’s questions :

1. Writers are more humane. How far do you agree with my sentence? Why or why not?

Nope I disagree. They are the most inhumane species. They kill off favourite characters that readers root for. Most despicable.

2. What’s your purpose in life? You only live once. YOLO. Right?

Nope no YOLO coz I shall live in Jannah too in sha Allah, And hence my purpose in this life is to strive for that Jannah.

3. Why blogging? Any specific best thing about it?

Why not? I love the interaction that it gives with my readers. Also the opportunity to get inspired by others.

4. What’s you fashion taste? Party taste?

My fashion taste is my mum’s. She picks out gorgeous outfits for me so yeah.

5. What’s your say upon ‘love’? (I am curious to know this).

Love is a beautiful feeling. It gives you warmth on the inside even if the person is far away.

6. Any Quranic quote which really affects you? (For Non Muslim friends, write any quote which you really like)

Surah Inshiraah “Verily with hardship comes ease”

7. Where do you see yourself in the next five years or so?

Teaching naughty devils.

8. Your one hobby which really switches you on?

Reading

9. Your idea of motivating people?

Reminding them that they are awesome at what they do.

10. Your favorite dish?

Butter chicken with naan

11. Anything which really switches you off?

Strudying for exams.

I hereby nominate :

Mahaah

ishmalamroz

The Meek Chic

ijuihjas8

Loubnanya

Meensspeaks

throughtheglitterglass

spicylife19

letslearnwithfun

iamuslimah

asimmulla

I shall make it easy and ask you to tell 11 interesting facts about yourself. I am supposed to go to each of the nominees blog’s and let them know I nominated them but I shall be cheeky and not do it and see if they are actually reading my posts 😛

That’s it. Until next time

Australian Horror Story

You know how they show people waking up from nightmares, screaming their heads off because well, they had a nightmare of zombies or scary clowns or whatever they are afraid of?

Well I had my first one last night. A nightmare that woke me up. Shook me right and proper.

When someone asks me about my deepest darkest fear, I have the answers ready. I have irrational fear of heights,elevators/escalators, driving and spiders (fear of spiders would be counted rational though right?) But I didn’t realise what scared me the most until now. I have had a nightmare for each of my phobia at a certain point in my life.

Disclaimer : I am weird. My brain is weirder. My dreams/nightmares are weirdest.

Nightmare 1 : I am on top of a cliff with someone (don’t know who this crazy girl is and I don’t recall) and she keeps insisting in a soothing tone that it’s ok to jump from the cliff I am on, to a nearby one just a metre away. But I keep looking down screaming unable to do it.

I have forgotten to mention that while I am having such nightmares, I am aware that it’s just a dream. I am in my REM phase and as such know that I can wake myself up before it ends. I don’t though. I mean might as well watch a horror movie for free yeah? Especially when you are the main character of the movie.Ok quit joking Aaliyah. Focus.

Anyway so the cliff I am standing on suddenly crumbles and starts breaking and I go down along with it.My eyes open slowly.Not panicking too much.Momentarily confused as I adjust to reality that my bed is just a metre away from the ground not 1000 metres away.

Nightmare 2: I am at my university, heading to a lecture, waiting for the elevator. The elevator arrives and everyone rushes to it. I am the last one to board and as I run towards the elevator, the doors start closing.Now in normal situations, the sensors at the door pick up the motion of a person and don’t shut. But since it’s a dream, that’s exactly what happens. The doors close on me and well, it is a brutal and painful end.Eyes flutter open thanking Allah it’s just a nightmare, nothing else and a reminder that stairs are always good. Physically and mentally.

Nightmare 3: I am in the car, this time in the driver’s seat. And I am driving along this solitary road wondering when did I get my full license to be driving by myself at night all alone. And I don’t even know where I am heading, just driving aimlessly until all of a sudden, a huge truck appears out of nowhere. It is huge. As huge as a train. In fact it resembles more of a train the way its hooting. I freeze and my hands are off my steering wheel, legs off the pedal just sitting in my car watching the truck thundering towards me in fascination. The truck driver is shouting for me to move but the truck horn is even louder and at the back of my mind I can see my imminent death but I do nothing. I am paralysed. The truck comes and crashes and suddenly the silence that engulfed me when I was frozen moments ago, is suddenly broken by the crash, metals getting mangled, my body getting jerked forward and then backward all too quickly.And although I am lying dead, I can hear the driver cursing and I want to apologise because it’s my fault for not moving even though he was shouting and honking so loud it would have woken the dead (Irony eyy?). Eyes open, not really wanting to because I want to say sorry to him, but it’s no use ; he is not listening.

Nightmare 4: This dream is inspired by Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets (Don’t laugh or else I shall take you with me the next time I go :P).The movie scene where Harry and Ron are in the forest and witness Aragog. It is the exact same forest and the exact same humongous black hairy spider with gigantic beady eyes is staring at me (I am shuddering as I recall the memory). Again I am paralyzed to do anything. My eyes won’t listen to my brain that tells it to close because maybe the spider might disappear when you open them again. It seems all my body parts refuse to listen to the brain because the mouth doesn’t want to scream like in horror movies and the legs refuse to run. My eyes are wide open in fear, mouth wide open in shock, brain sending mental missiles to launch the adrenaline : the fight/flight hormone but the missiles don’t land at targets. I don’t fight (it’s useless) and I don’t take flight. The spider sensing no motion from me, proceeds towards me, shaking the whole forest. I stand there welcoming death with open arms. As its monstrous mouth open, my eyes open up to reality expecting to see the spider by my bedside but find my cat purring instead.

Nightmare 5 : This is the one that occurred last night. I am with my loved ones at some embassy and we are filling forms. All of a sudden, the scene shifts and we are sitting on a ledge atop of this tall tall building. Might be on the 170th floor.Now my loved ones know I am afraid of height so they push me in towards the building and they themselves are sitting at the edge. We are still completing the form and talking to each other when the inevitable happens. One of them falls over. Just like that. No push, no nothing. And I push my face against the glass building and start crying before I even hear the inevitable. This time my eyes close.This time my heart shudders. This time it feels real. This time I am not in command and it’s not a dream. I see the others looking down with pain. That searing pain. That feeling like someone is scorching you with a burning stick or tongs and you can’t do anything to avoid it because your hands are tied. Only this time, our tongues were tied and it was the heart that was getting scorched. Soon officials arrive and are nudging me,gently pushing me away from the ledge on to the stairs into the building but I don’t want to leave. I just want to sit and cry and cry. I want to close my eyes and stay there begging them to leave me alone. And again my eyes betray my brain. They leap wide open.I shoot up from my bed.The scream that I had pressed inside pierces through my mouth in a shrilling scream and I am awake, confused because this time it didn’t feel like a nightmare that I was in control of. No, this time it felt too tangible.My heart is still thumping with fear 15 minutes later. I realise that I am clenching to my bedsheet so tightly that my fists have turned white and a continuous flow of tears is streaming down. It takes a while for me to settle down but oh that dream keeps haunting me. It is so vivid, everything is so clear that would I wish to forget a small detail I could not. I wish it was me falling to my death instead of my loved one. That’s the strategy Aaliyah working inside. Working on how to fight the situation next. And I already know that I won’t be paralyzed next time. I know that next time I shall push them all towards the building and sit at the edge of parapet. No matter what. Because it’s not my death that scares me. It’s my loved ones.

So now if someone asks me what is my biggest fear, I won’t be answering spiders, height or elevators anytime soon. Its that hopeless feeling of losing your loved one. A feeling that shook me in my nightmares and shook me awake from it.A terrorizing momentous feeling that makes me pray everyday that I am the first one to be taken away from my loved ones than to have to face the helpless feeling of my loved ones being taken away. Because my heart is weak. And I am weak. I can bear getting crushed by elevators and roaring trucks but not by the goodbye of my loved ones.

Talk about awkward..

Have you ever experienced moments when you wish the earth would open up and swallow you whole? I wish that everyday because something embarrassing always happens to me. They call me Awkward Aaliyah. I am learning how to laugh at myself now. It’s a slow and hard process and I am hoping I am able to learn quickly before the Earth literally opens up and swallows me (that is,when I die and go to my grave). Sit back,relax and no, don’t drink your tea coz you might end up snorting it through your nose. List is long.You have been warned.

The awkward moment when :

• you smile at a fellow hijabi and she doesn’t return the smile. In fact she looks at you with a deathly stare. Like why you do this to me? We are on the same team man.
• you see a friend from afar and shout her name and wave excitedly while running up to her only to realise she is not your friend and then walk awkwardly back to your spot (that walk of shame).
• you are at a party and an aunty enters so you get up and extend your hand and she walks past you leaving you hanging and then you have to bring back your hand to the side with everyone witnessing that fail moment.
• you do a hi five with a friend and they leave you hanging.
• you are at a party and while meeting someone you never know whether to stop after two head shakes or three.

• Or when you both turn your head at the same moment and in the same direction and end up face to face real close.
• you are avoiding someone so you whip out your phone and pretend to text while walking past that person and bump into a pole, attracting the attention of the avoidee.
• you are drinking fruit juice during a lecture and at the exact same moment that the lecturer goes quiet you make a slurpy noise. Loud. Everyone stares at you.
• you ask the lady at the store whether a certain piece of clothing comes in your dress size aaaand you realize she does not work there and is a customer just like you.
• a random person says hi and you respond warmly only to realise they are talking to someone on their bluetooth or earphones (Painfully awkward).
• someone waves at you and you wave back and then realise that the person was waving to someone behind you (Mega awkward).
• you are on the train and laugh out loud at something you are reading and everyone looks at you.
• Or when you recall something funny and start laughing out of nowhere and everyone looks at you weirdly.
• Or when you you talk to yourself forgetting it is a weird concept to some people.
• you offer your seat on the tram/train to an old lady and she rebukes you for insinuating the fact she is old. And this is a white lady. Not even desi aunty. Gurrl, if you wanna look young, at least dye your hair.
• someone says no offense and then proceeds to say the most offensive thing ever. And you have to pretend you didn’t get offended because after all they did warn you beforehand with the “no offense” (If you do that, kindly stop. You have got two ears and one tongue (a.k.a listen more, speak less. Also think before you speak. Also I shall punch you if you like being so brutally excruciatingly honest of your opinions. Not really but I do mentally fancy punching you.)
• you are wearing heels and your feet goes woiiinngg in front of people.

• a white friend asks if you got a boyfriend yet or sells tickets to her club where she is the DJ. In your mum’s presence.
• an aunty asks your mum whether she is looking for a guy for you in front of you and you don’t know where to look.
• an aunty asks your mum for your photograph.
• an aunty clicks a photo of you not so subtly.
• an aunty wonders how she got so fat because she used to be so skinny when she was young while stuffing her mouth with food.
• you attend a wedding in India and call this random dude in white suit as waiter bhaiyya,zara plate lete aana (Waiter!! Bring a plate) and it turns out he is the bride’s brother.
• a little kid at a party insists on calling you aunty loudly all the time because you are hanging out with aunties.
• Also when you call an aunty, “aunty” and she grimaces because she is a young 50 year old aunty who could totally pass off as your younger sister, and how could one be so blind to dare call her aunty? Appi/didi/baaji is the appropriate term of endearment.
• When an uncle or aunty makes a mistake and the Gammar nazi/English tutor in you is itching to correct but it’s rude so you end up looking constipated.
• someone gives an oxymoronic compliment such as “oh but you are pretty for an Indian” and you don’t know whether to be flattered at the insult or insulted by the compliment.
• someone asks you stereotypical questions such as “How are you Indian and a Muslim? How are you Indian and fair? OMG you totally don’t have that Indian accent” and on and on “You don’t look like an Indian at alll. I thought you were from so and so country. So are you like full Indian or half? (I often wonder if there is a typical Indian look that they have in mind. I mean India is such a diverse country).
• you attend a Pakistani party and all of them are bashing Indians verbally.
• you attend a Pakistani party and they ask which part of Pakistan you are from and when you say Indian, they all go ” Ohhh I love Shah Rukh Khan and have you watched Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham?, I looove that movie” and start complimenting Mother India like they are Indians themselves. It is so delightfully awkward.No offense to my Pakistani friends and readers. I love y’all. Y’all are mad cute.
• a random stranger suddenly starts speaking in Arabic and after you have checked whether they are indeed talking to you and are not on their headphones, you wait for them to complete their paragraph before apologizing on not understanding. Its awkward for you at first and then become awkward for the poor chap.
• When you and your friends are discussing someone and you turn around and that person is seated on the table beside you. And you weren’t being too hushed in your discussion either. So now you awkwardly smile wondering if they heard you.
• When you meet someone and they have something stuck on their tooth. Or booger on their nose.And you can’t look away even if you wanted to because they have some extremely exciting news to share.
• you are stalking someone on social media and accidentally like their photo or status from 3 years ago (A friendly tip : Create a fake account for stalking so if you do like something, no harm done).
• an aunty’s baby is crying so loud you want to scratch your hair out (hijab in my case) and the aunty suddenly turns and looks at you as if she has heard your thoughts and catches you making that not so subtle annoyed look.
• you pull a push door or vice versa repeatedly and get frustrated when it doesn’t open and someone behind has to remind you “Umm, you are supposed to push/pull?”
• you are at the elevator and right before the doors close, someone runs through it and you scream louuud and close your eyes because that person is going to get squashed.Not really.In my defence I had a nightmare of the sort.
• you are so busy talking to your friend that you enter the mens bathroom but thankfully someone shouts from behind and then proceeds to laugh his head off.
• you are blushing after an awkward moment and someone goes “Oohhh look you are turning red” (not helping mate) and then you turn even more red.

The first step to laughing at yourself is to make a post of the cringe-worthy moments you have encountered. And so, I invite you to let me know that I am not the only one. Tell me in the comments your funniest moments ever. Or make a post out of it if you have heaps like I do.

Procrastination Preparation

Yesterday was my last day of Bachelors at my university. During these 3 years there wasn’t a single moment when I didn’t wish to finish and get out of here as soon as possible but yesterday while I walked through the university, through the cafeteria, I remembered how I would sit there with friends to eat and chat after finishing long laboratory classes. When I entered the lecture hall, I remembered my first day at university, how timid and shy I was, how the lecture hall seemed huge then. University had become my second home and yesterday was filled with bittersweet memories. It was as if I was at a standstill and every place was rewinding and showcasing the memories my friends and I had etched  The library, how my friends and I used to hunch over the computers to finish last minute assignments, one of us running to the printers, another one typing, another one shouting “Only half an hour left guys!!Hurry hurry hurry!!” This year I was mostly by myself because some of my friends had married and settled and some had graduated or were majoring in different streams and had different classes. It gave me heaps of time to be myself, to explore each and every aspect of university and city life, to be nostalgic and to reflect. And even though, these 3 years all I complained about was the hectic assignments and assessments that my lecturers had bombarded upon us students, I am grateful for the opportunity. In fact yesterday I wished I had the opportunity to rewind my university life and enjoy and relive each and every moment. But it’s time to move on. (That is my graduation speech that I shall be giving at my graduation this December btw. Naah just kidding :P) I have exams next month. So I better stop reminiscing and start hitting the books. Good Luck to all appearing for the exams!!

Exams are just a month away

I should start preparing she said.

I shall print out lecture notes to revise

So much information to be fed.

She heads to the library

Prints out all the lecture notes

She knows she will ace this exam

Her head in the cloud it floats.

She is revising and rereading

She is busy highlighting

She is in full exam mode

When all of a sudden her phone rings.

Her friend has texted her

To check out how many likes she has gotten

Hours later she is still on phone

Her notes conveniently forgotten.

She feels sleepy now,

her brain is shutting down

She feels guilty for procrastinating

She is sporting a pouty frown.

I shall do it tomorrow she says

Still got plenty of time

I won’t get distracted tomorrow

I won’t waste my time.

A day before the exam her mum

Enters her room

Finds her youtubing

On how to get to Khartoum.

“What’s all this nonsense

You should be studying instead

I shall take away the gadgets

So you only study” she said.

Its too late to study mum

I thought I had time

I put off studying to last minute

Never managed to revise

Tickets and graves are cheap

Apparently in Khartoum

When I fail my exams

That’s where I shall build my tomb.

With a sigh mum replied

My darling, don’t you worry

With the way you are studying

You will indeed get buried.

A flying slipper on your head

And slaps is what you shall receive

Dad too busy digging grave

Too busy to even grieve.

Let that be a lesson

To never procrastinate

Failing in exams

Is a shameful disgrace.

I shall stop this poem now

Even though it’s so fun

I should start preparing for exams now

Even though its next month.

My friend is texting me

Probably to check her likes

But I am a good girl

I won’t waste my time.

Wish me good luck

Wish me sincerely

Pray I get good grades

And make my family happy.

And if all else fails

And brilliant results I don’t produce

At least my poetry shows

I can become the next Dr. Seuss.

Breaking stereotypes

Indians are a minority in the Western World. Scratch that, I meant Indian representation is low in the Western world. There are certain stigmas and stereotypes associated with us Indians that I would like to clarify doesn’t work for all of us. We are all not the same. So why generalize? Below are a few points that I would like my fellow white people to read and grasp. Also, not all Indians worship cows and not all Indians have the accent and we all don’t do the head shake bob thing.

• I am an Indian but I can’t tolerate spicy food. My eyes, nose and ears get red. There is waterworks everywhere.
• I am an Indian and I hate bangles. They always make sure you are aware of their presence at the most inopportune moments and somehow literally feel like a load lifted by my hands.
• I am an Indian and I can survive without eating curry. Really, I can.Pasta over paneer.
• I am an Indian and a Muslim (shocker, I know).
• I am an Indian and can converse in,read, write and understand fluent Urdu.
• I am an Indian and I don’t speak Hindu (fyi Hinduism is a religion and Hindi is the national language so technically no Indian you will meet will speak Hindu and yes I do speak Hindi).
• I am an Indian and I wear an abaya instead of sari. So yeah I don’t “look” like the typical Indian.
• I am an Indian and don’t like wearing gold.
• I am an Indian but do not know how to dance Bollywood.
• I am an Indian but I don’t watch Bollywood movies.
• I am an Indian and no Shahrukh Khan is not my neighbour. Neither is Shahid Kapoor nor Salman Khan nor any other celebrity.
• I am an Indian and I don’t hate Pakistanis.
• I am an Indian and will not get forcefully married to my cousin. I guess I shall be conforming to the stereotype of an arranged marriage but neither will it be forced nor will it be with my cousin.
• I am an Indian and I live in a nuclear family.
• I am an Indian and I am not a cricket lover.
• I am an Indian and I am not an IT professional. And neither am I a doctor.
• I am an Indian and my degree is not fake.
• I am an Indian and I am not cheap/stingy. I don’t dine at restaurants because of halal issue not because I am a miser.

Yes, such Indians do exist.And yes, there are Indians who eat spicy food and can’t survive without curry. Point is : there are all types of Indians.And all are cool and awesome.

Weathering the Storm

At around the time I wrote this, I came across Jade’s post on True Strength and heartaches’s post The Journey and I won’t lie, it spooked me a bit because we all wrote on the same topic, same feelings, at the same time. The strongest people are those who smile with scars, those that are battling with their inner demons. They go through anguish and still don’t complain. This poem is for those of you who have weathered the storm but are still holding on to hope, for those fighting the war.And even though life amputates each and every brimming hope and hurls anguish and anxiety, they still laugh or at least pretend to. They know that good times lie ahead over the horizon. They are brave. They are courageous. This is for you.

Her heart aches with memories

Of how it used to be

Things will never go back

To the way it used to be.

There is anguish

There is pain

Too much to process

Events that drive her insane.

She is not herself no more,

She never will be

Used to be young and naive

And now she is a tormented lady.

They say that it’s the past that plagues you,

For her it’s the present that traumatizes her

No matter where she goes,

Hurtful words keep hitting her.

She tries to erase those moments

She tries to restart it all

But they still ridicule her

They still catcall.

Betrayal, lost loyalty

Loved ones turning against her

Her whole world turned upside down

Trustworthy people got even fewer and fewer.

She feels she is the standard

With whom they compare

The others are always a step ahead

The others require greater care.

The others are always better

No matter what they do

Doesn’t matter if they are clumsy

They still much better than any of you.

She wants to escape it all

She wishes she was blind

She wishes she never grew up

She wishes they would leave her behind.

She fears she is going into depression

She fears they will drive her mental

She wishes she could care less

But all efforts prove detrimental.

So now she pretends

She is the best faker

She pretends it’s all right

She is so good at it, they all believe her.

They still don’t leave her alone

They still degrade her

Worst of all is that they don’t realise

That they are hurting her.

So they keep punishing her

For no fault of her own

They keep hating on her

They treat her like she is disowned.

They say she is too sensitive

That little words hurt her easy

They throw passing words that punch her in the gut

She cries alone at night, her sight gets hazy.

Her mum had warned her

Of strangers outside

But mum never warned her

That loved ones could lie.

The most dearest to you

Can become your enemies

They can use your secrets and flaws

And plan their next strategies.

So now she keeps mum

She stays aloof

They call her out for that as well

Her new nickname is rude.

It’s not like she didn’t try

Even tried being extra nice

No use at all

They were still stony iced.

It’s a lost cause

Her words always get misconstrued

She doesn’t know what else to do

She is only 22.

At only 22

She is tired and weary

She has lost all hope

Her life seems dreary.

She doesn’t trust anyone anymore

She is wary of strangers

But she is even more cautious

Of people who claim they are hers.

Because the greatest lesson

That life could teach her

Was that people who she never could imagine

Could one day turn against her.

They are liars

They only tell lies

They are hypocrites

Their words disguised.

She is strong

She stands tall

But once in a while

She breaks down and bawls.

Because her heart aches of memories

Of how much fun it used to be

And she hates to admit it

But things will never go back to how it used to be.

Blogger Recognition Award

So I got nominated by the beautiful Tazzie Dee for the Blogger Recognition Award. Thank you Tazzie.Her blogs are all on beauty and lifestyle so go check it out to look beautiful and fashionable and stuff.Also she knows how to rock a purple lipstick.

Without further ado, the rules of the award :

1. Write a post explaining why you started blogging along with a few tips.
2. Nominate some of your fellow bloggers.
3. Comment on their blogs to let them know you’ve nominated them.

This award is fantastic as it is so handy to learn about the inside workings of blogging. I have been reading other people’s responses and am learning something new each time.

The reason I started to blog was I felt I needed to do something productive in life. My brothers are my biggest support system. They believed I wrote well enough to write a novel but I just needed to fine tune my thoughts and hence the idea to blog was born. With my parent’s permission, I started this anonymous blog as a way to vent out against the injustices of desi society and the feelings of confusion that a Muslim desi kid has to endure living in the western society.

My tips :

• This blog is your baby. At least I feel mine is. I feed it with my feelings and rant about what I have gone through. And you take care of your baby, so take care of your blog. Do not neglect it. Write something, anything. Post once in a while. But please don’t take a hiatus. Or else it will be like those diaries that you wrote when you were in teens. Abandoned.
• Do not compare your writing to others. You might see bloggers spewing great poetry, others capturing great photos and you may feel your posts are not that high up. Always remember : You are not meh. You do you. Yes, if you feel the need to improve, by all means do. But you shouldn’t be pressured to do so.
• If you feel like you are stuck in a rut, take a break away from blogging. I know it contradicts my first point, but I said break, not a 6 month vacation. By freeing your mind of any blogging obligations, you never know when inspiration can hit you. And when it does hit you, grab whatever you have close by : phone, pen, paper and write a few words or the title to your post to complete it later. I am usually on tram or train when I get these blogging revelations and I open the Notes section on my phone and type a little bit to be completed later. Sometimes you read someone’s post and get inspired. Grab the opportunity and give credits to that person.
• Always remember it should never be about likes. You might write one awesome post but no one reads it or likes it and then you might write one ok post and it bubbles over with comments. So never measure your writing prowess by the number of stars.
• Last but not the least, blogging should be a passion. Not a chore. Enjoy it.

The rule states I nominate some of my fellow bloggers but Imma nominate you all because tips and hacks are helpful azz.Even if you are not an award person type, I want you leave your blogging tips for me. Thanks in advance.

Until next time

Shake it Off

So recently a friend of mine got the honour of becoming Australian. She invited me to attend the Citizenship ceremony which I dutifully did, given that she didn’t have family here and hence no one to capture the auspicious moment. My friend along with 50 other people took the oath and pledge and sang to the national anthem. After the whole process got over, the mayor stood up to hand certificates to the newbies and click photos.

I was in the audience observing the excitement rippling among people. Some Indian dudes even rocked up in formal attire with business suits and ties and broad smiles.Indian aunties rocking up Eid and Diwali outfits the whole chammak challo. I am not calling against anyone but it was embarrassing watching all this. India is a stable country. No wars going on as in Syria and other countries. Yes, we are still counted as a third world country but alhumdulillah we are up in the game, technology,financial stability and safety wise. And yet it felt like the room was filled with refugees who were desperate to shed their identity and any links to motherland to be embraced and accepted by the warmhearted and welcoming country.

Anyway the main issue that I wanted to address was this : Australians and when I say that I mean non-Muslim white people, have understood and realised that hijabis equal to no-shaking hands.They are gracious enough to accept and respect the view without taking offense.They know that us hijabis cannot shake hands with a non-mehram male and cannot show the beauty of our hair to non-mehram male. Heaps of other stuff too but the focus today is : not shaking hands. So the mayor is handing out certificates and shaking hands offering congratulations. Next up is a hijabi. Hands get extended. Not the mayor’s. The hijabi’s. That’s right. This hijabi forgot she is a hijabi. People were not only throwing away nationalities but also religion lol. The mayor is confused. This goes against the hijabi code ethic that he has been taught. He had seen her and had dropped his hands to his sides. But she has the palm outstretched. Awkward moment passes by. Actually many moments pass by. He finally gives in and shakes her hand clearly confused as heck.

The funny thing was this hijabi wasn’t even the excited kind.She was calm and collected and assumed she was embracing the Australian culture wholly by this small act. Dear sister, I get it you are frickin excited that you became an Australian. But please shower that excitement on your fathers and brothers and sons aka your mehrams remember? Shake their hands million times over, ain’t no issue. Australians are already confused about Islam as it is. You are not doing anything to clear the confusion. I have a graduation ceremony to attend in December. If hijabis like you stomp up on podiums and shake the mayor’s, the university president’s hands, it is just going to get more difficult for me when I go up there and refuse to shake hand due to “religious reasons”. I ain’t no preacher. I just want a simple life for me.And a simpler life for the poor mayors and principles and other male hand shakers whose views on Islam is distorted due to conflicting attitudes we hijabis give.

***Images and gif courtesy of Google.