Blessed

It has been a month since my birthday and I was recalling how I was finishing up a last minute assignment the night before. I had a long day at university and I rushed home to get on with my assignment. I finished it up at 11:45 and was ready to pass out on bed. I am glad I called before I did but I am quite sure even if I hadn’t, you would have called at midnight. Because you had remembered it was my birthday when I had forgotten.

I was sleepy azz and wished you good night but you wouldn’t let me hang up. You kept talking when all I could respond with was hmmm and yeah. You pleaded to stay awake for 4 more minutes which confused my already sleep-deprived brain. Normally you put me to sleep but not that night. When I asked why, you blabbered with what you had been up to the whole day and when 4 minutes had passed, you suddenly wished happy birthday which woke me nice and proper. Well, also the fact that my phone pinged with notification at the same time, opened my shut eyes and when I rubbed my eyes to respond to you and my phone, I realised that you had sent me a poem. A heartfelt, beautiful and thoughtful poem that not only had you carved from your own thinking, but you had written so elegantly and beautifully. All this was too much for me to handle. The rush of emotions that came from within resulted in tears of happiness and I started weeping in joy. For I felt truly special. And cherished. And although you are miles away, I felt as if you were right next to me. How I wish you were, so you could see my giddy smile and excited heart. For even though, we both have grown old to celebrate birthdays, the gesture made me feel like a child again.

And this is why I say alhumdulillah, I am so lucky to have you.

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Ra-MAD-aners

Ramadan Kareem y’all!! It’s mid-Ramadan now and although Ramadan is said to be the month of quran and patience, I am having a real hard time keeping my patience.Nope, its not coz of the hunger pangs. Its coz of certain people.

  1. The Snapchatter : This is the person that literally snaps each and every moment of Ramadan from suhoor to iftaar to taraweeh to “feeling blessed and holy”. We all know you be stuffing pakoras everyday for iftaar mate. And we all know you attend the 20 rakah taraweeh instead of the 8 rakah that mere mortals go to.
  2. The Instagrammer : This person posts iftaar pics everyday like literally everyday. Its the same iftaar with same pakoras and same samosas and same roohafza drink and the same caption of yummmmm and the same hashtags. The only difference is the seating positions on the table.
  3. The Temporary Haram Police : This person is typically the one who smokes shisha during the non-Ramadan period but as soon as the Ramadan moon is sighted, he is seen distributing dates and Noman Ali Khan lectures CDs outside the masjid. Another distinguishing characteristic is the replacement of swear language with masha Allahs  and subhan Allahs. because-ramadan_o_1819477
  4. Moon Fighters : Australia might be dubbed the city of beaches and sunshine but there ain’t no sun shining at us folks here in Melbourne. Hence, the Board of Imams seek the scientific calculations of astronomers on the likelihood of the appearance of crescent moon. The Hilal Committee on the other hand try to physically sight the hilal through telescopes. Obviously there is always a contest since never the twain meet. Every year, the moon fighters (or loony moonies a.k.a people who follow the Hilal Committee) will debate with the astronomical – culators (people who follow the Board of Imams) on the correct ruling and which day the “actual” Eid actually is? The reason I find these conversations annoying is because they happen literally every year like they DO NOT learn their lesson. Its like someone presses the repeat button. Last year we were the moon fighters, this year we decided to go with the astronomical-culators, since people keep sprouting myriad hadeeth citations.
  5. The Cute Monsters : At the start of the taraweeh, these are the tiny toddlers who are lying on the masjid carpet,looking innocently at you, making it harder for you to focus on the quran that the imam is praying because you get so lost in those big baby boo eyes of theirs. Four rakahs in and its even more harder for you to concentrate because the imam’s voice is lost in the wailing and screaming of that same baby who was innocent a few moments ago. While the mum of the baby concerned should be concerned, she clearly isn’t as she is seen humming along to the tune of the imam. Meanwhile us other ladies are trying to calm the baby down during prayer by showering angry faces for it to stop which only results in the wails getting louder like seriously baby SHOOOOSH!!! And as soon as we finish our prayer by doing the tahiyyat and shaking heads right and left by assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah, the baby is as quiet as an unplugged vaccum cleaner. You stare at the baby and ask what the hell baby and it just hypnotizes you with its eyes by saying that aint me, nuh-uh!
  6. The Mums of Cute Monsters : Sisters, please for the love of Allah, I am not going to sugar coat or humorify this paragraph because wallahi that baby of yours, masha Allah and subhan Allah so so cute but during taraweeh are all tauba tauba and astaghfirullah. Sisters, I wish I could quote the hadeeth now but I am too lazy to go research it, but I do know for a fact that you get the same amount of ajr and sawaab and rewards if you prayed at home then if you came to the masjid. Allah allows this because masha Allah you are making effort and coming to mosque, changing the clothes of your baby and yourself and praying among the din din of your baby noise but sister, pray at home so the only person suffering is just you and not us.  We wish the enjoy to imam’s qiraat and the quran recitation and the not having cute but annoying babies phase. Jazakallahu khairan.
  7. The Annoying Azz Toddlers : It is mentioned in a hadeeth that during the holy month of Ramadan, the shaytaan (satan) is locked up for ease of the Muslims to abstain from the whisperings and evil sins. So imagine my surprise when I rocked up on the first night of taraweeh and saw mini devils running around the mosque. Those cute monsters mentioned above are not alone, oh no, they have older baby brothers and sisters, who have spawned into halal shayateen. The characteristics of these munchkins is that they will either be running around the legs of the taraweehers or crying for an iPad or iPhone that one out of the 15 have. They will come and grab your water bottle from your purse and chug it down with their saliva splatters on the rim of your drink or take a shower with it, or take your iPhone and try unlocking it so many times that the next time you can unlock it is in 367 years. All this right in front of your eyes and you helplessly watch them unable to do anything because a) you are in prayer and b) their mum is nearby so you can’t thwack them. Sometimes they grab the chairs off those who pray with them resulting in a couple of ladies falling while seating for sujood which is horrifying really.
  8. The Mums of Annoying Azz Toddlers : Sisters, please don’t create these munchkins. Just kidding, they make taraweeh fun. But seriously, teach them etiquette of the mosque especially to not play with chairs of those who pray with them.  It can seriously injure the ladies. Aand again, pray at home. PLEEEEASE!! I get very thirsty because your Abdullah drank all my water. Waaaaaah!!!
  9. Huffaz : When the imam is praying quran taraweeh and you are a hafiz yourself, it is tempting to read along with him. I totally understand. I am a hafiz myself. And I do read along. Just not aloud. I neither whisper, nor hum, nor mutter, nor mumble. I neither read the faa nor the seen or the sheen aloud. Infact my lips are closed as I pray along in my mind. Why am I quoting what I do? Its because other taraweehers, including myself find it irksome to hear someone two rows behind going haaaaaaa aloud when the imam recites haa meem. We get it masha Allah, you are a hafiz. May Allah grant you jannah. But sister, Allah knows what is in your heart. Pray in your heart and Allah will reward you. You can even dance a bit on your spot if that’s how excited listening to imam read what you know makes you. That’s not allowed but you do you. Just do it silently. Thank you.

Writing these down has calmed me considerably. You might have witnessed these people in your mosques or maybe you are one of them lol. If you know any other kind then vent down below. Just no swearing please. Shukran.

 

Quick Update

There’s a reason I have been on and off WordPress lately. I got engaged recently Alhamdulillah. My fiancé is aware of my blog and he is supportive of it (in fact he keeps telling me to get back on it properly) so rest assured I shall be back in full force shortly. I apologise for not keeping up and leaving you all in a lurch. Honestly speaking, I myself had no clue where life would be taking me in the past few months leading to today. But now that a big part of my future is done and dusted, I can sit back in ease focusing on my studies and blogging among other hobbies to name a few.

The wedding is in January next year in sha Allah and I am so excited. I have been looking at bridal dresses and drooling on wedding décor because you really can’t do much desi shopping here in Australia so I am just patiently biding my time till November when I am off to India for the shopping and planning. I apologise in advance for the break I shall be taking from November to February.

Right now I am doing my placement at a secondary school for the teaching degree that I am doing at uni. Its going really well Alhamdulillah. Enjoying so far although some of the naughty kids are doing my head in. But I am glad I decided to take up teaching after Biotechnology. I will be able to teach biotech at tertiary level if I do my PhD. So far I am enjoying school teaching so I am still deciding whether I should go ahead and do PhD or stay at secondary level.

Anyway, that’s what’s up with my life. Lots going on with university, teaching, planning lessons, finishing up on assignments, getting engaged, attending friends’ engagements, planning for wedding, etc. Let me know what’s up with yours.

 

Weird Things That Keep Us Awake At Night

This post is a collaboration with sulphurman. It was a long time coming considering the idea was borne a couple of months ago but as we all know, life happens and we got busy with our schedules. Nevertheless, we finally decided to finish it off and present to you guys the weird stuff that keeps one awake at night. Let me know if you have similar experiences/thoughts in the comments. I would love to know I am not the only weird one.

  • Did I brush my teeth? I am pretty sure I did. Blows air  onto hand and smells for bad breath. Hmm smells good. Wait, that’s a biryani smell. Arrgh I didn’t brush.

 

  • I have to go to the toilet but I just got so comfy and warm!!

 

  • If I sleep now, I will get exactly 3 hours 15 minutes sleep. Now only if I could fall asleep.

 

  • Did I lock the door? Hmm I should go and check. Rabia aunty was telling about this robbery that happened the other day. One can never be too careful. *flips the blanket over, icy air rushes through the bones,slips banket over* aaah never mind. Quite sure it’s locked. Dad must have locked the door. And I don’t even have any enemies to kill me right? Hmm wait, Reshma did hate me in primary school. Always snitched on me and stole my best friend Neha. But she wouldn’t rob me or try to kill me yeah? I mean she lives in Bangladesh. She wouldn’t fly all the over to Australia. She doesn’t even know where I live. I think she got married. lets stalk on instagram.I mean who on earth agreed to marry her? *grabs mobile and switches it on* Aarrghh too bright. *squints in the darkness*. 3 hours 15 minutes later. Wait, is that the sun?
  • Cousins who kick you in sleep. Constantly. Repeatedly. You find solace sleeping on the floor.
  • You are about to sleep and your phone pings with notification. You pick it up and its the phone company sending you a text message that you have exceeded data limit. And its only been a week since you started the data cycle. So now you cant sleep thinking how will you survive 3 more weeks of being 3G less.
  • You analyze and over analyze that aunty’s comment that she passed on you for being a failure.Whereas your brother became the successful doctor. The good thing is your younger bro is also a non-doctor. So you both can cry together.
  • You are planning your whole wedding in your head. The dresses, who to invite, the flower bouquets, chocolate fountains, waiters on wheels for swift service, carpeted halls in purple and cream colour,brides maid dresses, who to make your brides maids,also a silent prayer to Allah that let the groom’s mother let you decide what bridal dress you wanna wear for both baaraat and walima instead of gifting sweet and hideous dresses that isn’t your style. Parlour bookings, what type of makeup and jewellery and henna designs.
  • Also one thing that doesn’t let me sleep is temperature control. Its spring here. Sometimes it is hot at night and sometimes it is cool. Sometimes hot changes to cool and sometimes cool changes to hot. I throw off my blanket to the floor and then a while later I am curled up in fetus  position with chattering teeth. Too cold and lazy to grab blanket off floor. Other times I am wearing winter wear with sweater and socks and it starts burning. Next morning mum comes to wake me up and finds sweater thrown on chair, socks hanging on fan, me lying spread eagled soaking cool air.
  • Thirsty. Drinks a whole bottle of water by bedside. Falls asleep. Gets up 30 minutes later for toilet. Comes back to bed. Falls asleep. Few minutes pass. Thirsty again. Bottle empty. Gets up to refill water. Drinks water.Falls asleep.30 minutes later , toilet break. Cycle goes on till Fajr.

You get the idea.

Go check out sulphurman’s post for the second part. Show him the love by following and reading his humorous and not so haha funny posts.

Thank you Mahaah for asking us to collaborate. I had fun coming up with points that didn’t allow me to sleep while writing the post. Go check out her blog too. She clicks awesomesauce photos, draws and paints awesomesauce pictures and writes awesomesauce stuff.

 

 

Ssshhh

Sneaking in ever so quietly…..

SuniSneakGif

How has everyone been? I missed my internet fam. There have been sweet comments left on my blog by the absolute sweet sisters that made me melt.I shall get back to responding.

I am back. No, I didn’t get married (fortunately) as some had asked if my husband forbade me to blog. I would rather chuck the husband out than my blog. I had gone overseas and returned back to start my Masters (which is what desi girls do when they don’t get married by the end of Bachelors :P). Masters is draining the hell out of me. Classes all five days 9 to 6 with assignments and assessments. Anyway no excuse will justify my long absence. So let me just make it up by letting your Aussie girl inform you about the weird facts of good ol’ Aus you might not know.

  1. The fact that toilets and bathrooms don’t come with locks. Not all houses, some, but still. My friend bought this house and one of the toilets doesn’t come with a door!! Apparently you have to pay extra for the toilet door.
  2. People in India just drop in without calling. People in Dubai call to let you know they shall be visiting. People in Aus are soo polite that its annoyingly cute. They don’t come. At all. You have to send an invitation and ask them to come because you have started talking to walls. I bet even for my funeral, I shall have to call everyone 2 hours before my imminent death with invitations and ask them to RSVP.
  3. Day light savings.
  4. That my little cousins attend “colleges” (primary level schooling) and my brother and I attend “schools” (a.k.a universities).
  5. That there are alcohol shops next to schools, ahem I mean “colleges”. The two colleges I got to attend here, both had them so I am assuming its a norm for all (Could be wrong. So far no drunk kids spotted.)
  6. Return policy : you can return any item (except bedding,cosmetics and used nappies) as long as you have the receipt. This is the main reason why NRI’s here don’t want to go back to India lol.
  7. The water that flushes the toilet is as filtered as the water that I drink from tap (Let that sink in.)
  8. Almost all shops close by 5 p.m. Worst thing ever. One gets back from work/uni/college/school whatever by evening and the shops are closed. People here don’t sweat about it but as a Dubai mall girl I seem to find it highly unfair that the plaza is open only for housewives.
  9. The public transport system is so unreliable that one is forced to force her brothers and parents to drop her off to station so she doesn’t have to wait for 40 minutes for the bus and walk 1 kilometre to home.
  10. They make you book in for a doctor’s appointment and call you in an hour late than the scheduled time but when its the other way round and you arrive just 5 minutes late, they have to reschedule your appointment to another day because you are late and they weren’t able to torture you to the maximum one hour they are allowed to.
  11. Mcdonald’s also known as Maccas. So when a friend first asked whether I would be interested going to Maccas, I assumed Makkah and stared at her nonplussed. Refused because I hadn’t saved enough money for the pilgrimage when really she was asking whether I would like to hang out for a 4 dollar McFlurry milkshake.
  12. The slang language. Barbeque = barbie, afternoon = arvo, etc. There is a whole dictionary full of it and I could write a post just on it.
  13. Honey soy chicken chips.Like whaaaat? So its a potato chips chicken flavoured. All good yeah? But no, lets vegetify it and add soy. Make it a little bit healthy. Let the vegetarians taste the goodness of chicken. But wait, what about people with a sweet tooth? Can’t forget them now can we? Ergo honey.
  14. Vegemite. Nuff said. For those who want to have a lick at it, I have one that expired a year ago that I received when I got my citizenship and we got it from the council for becoming an Aussie. So you shout Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi (while balancing the Aussie passport on your head) and then scoop a chunk of vegemite and dunk it in. If you can’t eat that scoopful, you aint becoming an Aussie. That’s how Stralians play mate!! We keep that honey soy chicken close and vegemite even closer. (Disclaimer : Not sponsored by Vegemite or the chickens.)
  15. Australia is the only country where it is legal to eat the national animal. But I mean kangaroos!!! Why??Kangaroo-Selfie.jpg

Any Aussies reading the post : you can come at me. These are my observations and the intention wasn’t to offend/insult Australia/Australians. I love me my Aussie barbie and we can have a nice chat some arvo.We can have vegemite together too.

Free Bird

She was staring at the ceiling, her mind whirling in a chaotic mess. With blank stares, she felt the tears sliding across her smooth cheeks. Suddenly the door creaked open. Her mum peeked in and whispered if she would like to go somewhere. She said she was fine and turned to the other side. Her mum walked in and patted her head lovingly. Asked her to get ready for a surprise.

She got up and got ready, her mind and heart wandering far away in the unknown. She climbed in the car and stared at the scenery but her mind didn’t process the usual beauty of nature : the dew that formed on the grass, the sky sporting wisps of white clouds and the air that came in bursts. After a while the car stopped and as she turned to look at the destination, her mouth dropped in surprise.


While her friends would rejoice at getting some retail therapy to alleviate stress, she felt nature in its glory was the perfect me time.

She asked her mum if she could be left alone. Her mum agreed and so she scampered quickly to the sand. She kicked off her shoes and let her toes sense the sinking dissolving sand. She bent down to stare at the shells. Marvelling at the intricate designs, she started collecting and placing them on the sand, pushing some deep within so that just a bit peeked through.


There were quite a few fair and white shells, polished and shining. Then there were tiny brown and black ones with markings that seemed to be shying away, hiding in the sand. Perhaps they were afraid that this visitor would reject them like the countless others in favour for the beautiful white ones. She scooped them up lovingly because for her, those markings, those scars made the brown and black shells even prettier. She played with them for a little while and then stood up to observe the water, the sky and the sea. The clouds of mist had vanished long ago and in their place were angry black clouds.Mimicking the state of her mind,they blocked the sun, its light and warmth and as she stood and gazed at the approaching storm, the clouds suddenly gave way and the sun shone through. It became so bright, the reflection of the pure warmth and grandeur of sunlight on water, that she couldn’t take it in. Momentarily blinded by beauty so rare, she was awestruck and speechless. The more she stared, the more it felt the sunlight was rushing through the water and entering in her. Filling her with warmth, inner joy, happiness and peace. The chaos that was her mind, was muffled by the harmonic wavelength of the sunlight.


She heard a kid’s cry and turned to see a little child stumble from a swing. As he got up and ran towards his mum, she ran towards the swing in glee. Picking up her shoes, she climbed onto the swing and started rocking back and forth to gain momentum. Once she felt she was flying, she closed her eyes to feel the breeze passing through her soul. Her mind felt a thousand times lighter. Her body too. She felt she could fly. And fly she did. She jumped from the swing, flung her body in the air and broke into a wide smile. Hurtled down to Earth in a millisecond. But that millisecond was enough for her. She felt euphoric. She looked up and saw a seagull flying high. It kept flying. The gravity wasn’t its enemy.


As she clambered back into the car, she gave a wide smile to her mum. Mum always knew best. The return journey was different. It had started raining and she opened the window a wee bit to feel the drops on her face. It felt as if God was giving her the whole invigoration package. Not only was she rejuvenated on the inside, but the raindrops freshened her up instantly as well.

She came back home and plonked on her bed with a sigh. A while later, she was fast asleep with a content smile.This time the ceiling stared at her.

Images by yours truly 🙂

ME

I thought it would take time

To let go

I thought it would take a while

For you to leave me alone

Those daydreams and

Wishes on stars

Seems forgotten

Promises broken

You promised you would

never hurt me

You promised you would

look out for me

Why do I feel

so lonely and alone

Why do I feel

I have no one at home

They say it takes time

time to heal

Band aids never

do come out easy

Then why does it

hurt still

Why do I

miss you still

I have moved on

made myself busy

But sometimes

something triggers the memory

I walk past that shop

where we tried out costumes

laughed like idiots

howled at the moon

I listen to that song

that we played on repeat

danced on the beds

sang to karaoke

We used to lay down

beneath the open sky

Talk about the future

never knew you would fly

Now I avoid

that shop, those songs

But tell me how do I avoid you

when the heartless stars

follow me along

They tell me to forget you

Its been a long while

Band aid long gone

The wound is still inside

You said you never lie

you said you would never leave

you lied when you left

why did you leave

Long drives

on curvy roads

Windows open

trying to unload

Creating new memories

Meeting new ones

Trying out stuff

Even going on a run

You said you wouldn’t leave me

You are right you never did

I see you everywhere I look

Your presence I am trying to get rid

“Quit it!!” I say

Leave me alone

You say you made a promise

You can’t see me forlorn

Leave me leave me please

Let me move on let me be

No come back I beg of you

I need to hold on I need to see

I need to mourn

I need you

need you

please

don’t go

don’t ever

let go

Lost

alone

Wild in pain

helpless

hopeless

feeling insane

********

I cry in silence

They mock me otherwise

They need to understand

Screaming out loud helps pain subside

So I stand in the balcony

Gazing at the stars

Gazing at memories

Gazing at the scars

Coz even though you ripped me

like a band aid

I can’t howl like they do

They label me with shame

Maybe

screaming will scare you away

Maybe

you might run away

So I shall be quiet

utterly still

Wait for the angel

await the drill

I know you shall be waiting

at the gates of heaven

Renew the memories

Let the games begin.

Stranger Danger

So how does this arranged marriage thing work exactly? I know that there is the match-making rishta karaane waali aunty and relatives and matrimonial sites involved. And then one sends photos and a proper bio-data.

For those who don’t know the insides working on how to meet your dream guy/girl (desi arrange marriage version), allow me to explain. I am relatively new to it as well. Not foreign to the concept but I am an actual participant this time so I get to know the deets. Somewhat. Anyway,so what happens is, the parents tell everyone that their daughter/son is of age and that they are looking for a groom/bride. So those who are hiding and withholding back their eligible kids, bring it on. Some parents even put up their sons/daughters for auction on matrimonial sites where interested people view the profiles and sell off their sons in return for daughter-in-laws and vice versa. And then there are rishta aunties : you know those aunties whose eyes are magnified under glasses and who eye you up and down and they only attend parties to see which sheep are good for purchase. They get paid if the proposals come to fruition. To be honest this match-making tendency is a genetic trait in all desi aunties and they love pairing any and every boy to any and every girl even if they don’t get paid. It’s a charity work. Us kids are the charity cases.

desi aunty

Once both parties are set up, comes the exchange of photos and biodata. The bio-data is just like a resume you would send for a job and I guess it makes sense because of course I am applying for the role of a wife (duh) and if they approve of my bio-data, I get accepted. You also have to mention the qualifications of parents,how many siblings (what they do,if they are married) plus jobs and contact details of paternal uncles (I know,weird). And all this I get.

proposal

Next comes the formal meeting. How do you know in the meetings and phone calls prior to marriage if he is the right person for you? Even a drug-dealer looks innocent while on trams and trains. You can’t tell if the person is being genuine or not. Plus what questions do you ask? How do you tell if he is an underground criminal or hiding a girlfriend underground? How do you tell if he is wearing a wig or is that his real hair? How do you know whether he is not that weird psycho protective one who won’t allow you to blog after marriage? What if he has an annoying habit of biting his nails, or scratching his ear incessantly, or spitting at every corner? What if he has those racky coughs or snores loudly or laughs weirdly like hyenas? What if he smokes?Is it ok to ask whether he knows how to cook? How much he earns?Does he have a short temper? (I guess after all these questions, I will have the short temper question answered 😛 ) How do you know if he doesn’t really want to marry but his parents want him to? How do you know if he is being forcefully married? He would hate me then. Also do you look him in the eyes and talk to appear confident or is that considered brash and bold by desi standards? Do you ask too many questions in the first meeting or leave it for later?I mean will there even be a later? And how do you know you have clicked? I have too many awkward situations in my life to handle that happens involuntarily and then this??? This is straight up jumping into the most awkward pretentious situation ever.

I guess its the fear of the unknown.I am not bashing the concept of arranged marriage but it doesn’t look too promising either.Most of my friends have been arranged married happily. And in sha Allah I will too. The destination is out there. It’s the journey that scares me. This whole process of getting to know the right guy. Of making him the right guy for you. Of leaving your family behind. Of entering into a brand new family.My friends have done it. Millions of other girls have gone through the process. It won’t be that bad right? Right?

rishta pic

Examining examinees

I am back

(Cough cough. Pardon the smoke)

I have been giving examinations my whole life. From the age of 4 to 22. So even though I don’t have a technical degree in Masters of Examination, I have in fact mastered the art of cramming and vomiting. Notes not chocolates.

Last Thursday I bid farewell and resigned from the position of student. I had my final exams and it went great alhumdulillah. Thanks to all who wished me good luck.

eb

Now I have attended various examination halls throughout my prolific career. And I have observed various kinds of examinees.

  1. Diva : This is the girl that prepared more for her appearance than the exam. She has the full makeup with fake eyelashes, knee length boots and a poncho. Her hair is straightened sleek and she looks like she stepped out of a fashion magazine. When other students are busy poring into the textbook, she is running around the hall looking for the perfect lighting to capture that duckface selfie. She is busy rolling her eyes at students who are crazy for checking out their books than her. No point avoiding coz she is already avoiding you.
  2. The anti-diva : This is the guy that probably hasn’t showered ever since the examination month has started. He looks homeless with clothes crumpled, few flies buzzing around his head, a scruffy beard with few lice running on it and a stench that kills everyone except the flies and the lice. He is the guy you go and stand next to if you haven’t prepared for the exam as it wouldn’t technically be a suicide on your part or murder on his. He hasn’t been studying either as he is seen running around people asking if they could lend him notes on Biochemistry. He probably spends time in his dungeon playing Halo or World of Warcraft and attends examinations to get some fresh air and sunlight. Avoid him and thou shalt live.
  3. The nerd : This girl knows anything and everything and sole purpose of her life is to make sure you are sufficiently stocked up on stress by asking whether you have studied for Chapter 15 on Lipids and Fats that the lecturer had hinted wouldn’t be appearing in the exam but she has studied because the previous year papers had a full 15 mark question on it. So now you are stressed and ask her to give a quick summary. The summary turns into a novel and a nightmare and now you have forgotten the rest of the chapters. With a blank face and an equally blank mind, this chick is satisfied that her job here is done. AVOID AVOID AVOID
  4. The examiner : This is the friend that you actively avoid after completing the exam because she is the second examination that you aren’t prepared for. Her questions don’t give you any bonus marks, only bonus anguish as she confirms whether her answers match yours.”Did you write glycophospholipids for question 5 because Caleb said he wrote cholesterol but in the textbook it says glycophospholipids and remember how Trevor was saying that he will ask a question on glycophospholipids and I checked and that was the only question that’s answers would be glycophospholipids?” Or “What did you answer for that question, false yeah? coz it couldn’t be true and I did the practice exam and it said false so like 2 marks there yeaaah high five!!” You give the high five and a fake laugh and nod your head to agree like pfft yeaah totally while internally screaming and stabbing daggers because you had actually ticked true. She revises the whole exam paper and you feel your confidence dwindling to such a low that you are sure you have failed that paper. Avoid at all costs.
  5. The excited bloke : He is the guy who is chuffed on completing his paper. It doesn’t matter whether he was snoring the whole time and didn’t actually write a single word. He attended, slept on the exam and has finished just like the others. He is generous with bear hugs and handshakes and high fives and woohoooos that it becomes a nightmare for hijabis to not reciprocate the happiness. You seem like a party pooper for not hugging around and celebrating. Fellow Muslim sisters, avoid this one. The rest, go give him a bear hug. He showers so don’t worry, no stench fumes.

an-anonymous-friendfamily-member-sent-me-a-fresh-hot-cookie-delivery-and-a-note-that-said-good-exams-9499

6. The toilet camper : This is the guy that is a restless nervous ball of wreck. He has to rush to the toilet every 10 seconds and its not a silent rush either. Full throttle running up and down banging tables along the way announcing his entries and exits each time.One can never get used to it because as soon as you have adjusted your table, the tornado strikes again. Can’t avoid even if you wished.

resized_the-most-interesting-man-in-the-world-meme-generator-i-don-t-always-need-to-go-to-the-school-bathroom-but-when-i-do-it-s-during-a-final-exam-3749f9

7. The one more sheet/the hand shooter : This is the guy/girl that asks for an extra sheet as soon as the paper has started. You have just finished your silent prayers asking Allah to make the questions easy and flip the paper over to skim through the questions and this person already has his hand shot up, greedy eyes demanding extra sheets to gobble up. Can’t avoid, can’t ignore.

extra-sheet-during-exam

8. The silent ninja : This is a person that is actually quite hard to spot. He or she is seen outside exam halls revising by themselves silently, finishing up their exam papers in a calm and collected way and heading out with no emotions whatsoever. And when the results are released, their names are at the top of the list and everyone wonders who the hell were these inconspicuous ninja nerds? Didn’t notice, no avoidance.

9. The last minute-er : This is the person who literally does nothing in the exam. Sometimes he sleeps like the excited bloke but more often than not, he is just sitting there observing other students, creeping at a girl from behind or just looking at the clock the way a prisoner stares at walls. He hasn’t even touched the paper and he doesn’t seem too bothered. He is awaiting for the announcement of “15 minutes left”. That’s when his comatose brain comes to life. Now he starts attempting the questions in a frenzy. And when the examiner comes to take his sheet, he transforms into a wrestler and doesn’t love his beloved go. I guess he was playing hard to get. Don’t avoid, watch him struggle.

bar-exam-o

10. The cool girl : Ahem me? Oh why thanks. I don’t like to talk about myself really. Awww you insist? Alright, if you say so. I am a cut above all the rest. I shall be outside the exam halls pacifying people who think they will fail insisting they will pass. While in the exam hall, I shall be as light as a feather and as quite as a mouse. No, I am not the silent ninja. I am better. Once the exams are done, I shall be back to counseller mode pacifying friends that we either aced it or failed it and treat them to ice creams and cupcakes. Don’t avoid. Come join.

kitty walk

To all those appearing for exams, Good Luck. I am the last polar bear at the moment. Shall be hibernating for dayyyzz.

final-exam-meme

Bingey Jumping

Current mood : lazy. Current action : procrastination. Currently drinking : orange juice. Currently web surfing : how to get motivated to study for 12 hours non stop with no breaks in between so that even if a tsunami comes rushing, it will have to wait coz ain’t nobody got time for interruptions.

A website suggested that as a motivation I should make a checklist of the things I wish to do after finishing my exams.

Here’s my checklist : (Warning : excessive repetitive use of the word binge. If you get allergic reactions or epileptic attacks at my continual verbose, scroll down with eyes closed for my important announcement.)

  1. Binge YouTubing
  2. Binge eating chocolates
  3. Binge sleeping
  4. Binge eating chocolates
  5. Binge reading new books
  6. Binge eating chocolates
  7. Binge WordPressing
  8. Eating chocolates
  9. Binge shopping
  10. Eating chocolates
  11. Binge cooking
  12. Eat chocolates
  13. Binge learning new languages
  14. Eat chocolates
  15. Binge visiting all attractions of Melbourne
  16. Eat chocolates
  17. Binge driving lessons
  18. Chocolates
  19. Binge visiting countries
  20. Trying out new chocolates
  21. Binge wedding planning
  22. Chocolates
  23. Binge attending parties
  24. To eat chocolates
  25. Binge meeting up with friends
  26. Chocolat
  27. Binge bungee jumping
  28. Chocola
  29. Binge cleaning out my wardrobe
  30. Chocol
  31. Binge starting a new hobby
  32. Choco
  33. Binge exercising (really?)
  34. Choc
  35. Binge pampering myself with facials and mani/pedis
  36. Cho
  37. Binge travelling the world
  38. Ch
  39. Binge helping out the elderly at senior homes
  40. C
  41. Can’t binge no more
  42. …..

Current mood : Satiated with a little bit of nausea. Current action : lying on the floor amid wrappers of chocolates. Currently drinking : Air. Currently web surfing : How to get up from the floor when your stomach is so full of chocolates you can’t even breathe.

As you can tell, I need to get a life. And according to desi protocol, one can only get a life with straight A’s and a perfect GPA score of 4.0. So I googled on how to achieve that and Google advised me to try out something risky and daring like getting off the internet and going out on a date with my textbooks and lecture notes. I am always up for adventures so I shall try it. And hence I shall be unavailable till the 12th of November. But like the Terminator says : I’ll be baak!! To binge read all yo posts and to binge write some of my own!!

Ill-Be-Back-Terminator

P.S. That’s not me in the feature image. That’s my twin sister Aariyah 😛 We both love to binge-eat and I decided to click her photo in the act. She looks like she is thinking something deep in the photo but trust me she is not deep like me. The deepest thought she ever had was why are mornings called mornings and not mournings coz ya know, one mourns to have to get up to go to school/work?