He won’t bite. He will just maul you to death.

So WordPress does this weird thing where you save a draft and it schedules it to post and you schedule a post to be posted on Saturday and it just publishes it which is what happened with this one.I quickly removed it but it was too late and people who got my new post in subscription feed emailed me to ask where the new post was.So I quickly finished it up and am posting the would-be Saturday post today.Enough of my blabber.Enjoy.

This post is inspired by Sulphurman’s post on dogs.Go check it out as his posts will have you nostalgic for the hassle and dazzle of Indian streets and golgappes,chaats and the cows that form a makeshift round-a-bout where ever they chose to sit in the middle of streets.

Although my fair share of experiences with dogs have been little than what most people can go on for hours about, there are two incidents that stick in my mind. For dog-lovers and dog-owners who are reading this : I DO NOT let me repeat DO NOT hate dogs. Ever since Simba came into my family, I have mutual love for all animals. Animals that don’t seem to jump up to your shoulders to sniff and bare their canines (pun unintended).Even so, my fear for animals have decreased considerably. In fact I go all mushy when I see kittens or baby goats and had the opportunity to pet the latter while on my visit to India last year.

baby goat

Onlookers came to know that I didn’t live there, that I was an NRI, born and brought up abroad, because who really looks adoringly at the goats chewing loudly, minding their own business?

India, with its already booming human population, can also easily account for the highest dog population, given the amount of stray dogs barking at every corner or howling at night throughout suburbs and cities. One dog starts howling, the whole pack imitates and pretty soon the next street dogs and then the whole town is filled with collective moaning of dogs. It was some thing I got used to while falling asleep and so, when I returned to Australia, the sheer silence of nothingness kept me awake for hours at end.

Once I was out to shop with my mum and we were stuck in the traffic. In bustling India, being stuck in traffic is awesome because there is never a dull moment. You get to hear verbal abuses of drivers “Chal bey, dekh ke nahi chalta (Oii move!!Fool can’t see where he is walking)”, the afore-mentioned cows walking ahead ever-so slightly at a snail pace, swishing tails in the process and looking at you in mock innocence and incomprehensibility when you honk the horn at them to hurry up. Then a driver gets out of his car to smack the cow’s behind. Meanwhile you hear a baby crying and turn your head in the direction to see where it is coming from. Aaah little kids running through the dirt, one fallen onto the gravel, crying,holding up his bruised knee. Anyway so I saw this stray dog minding his own business, when a 25 year old something guy, just kicks it in the face. The dog howls in surprise and pain and receives another kick. My heart lurches at this assault and I wish to get out of the auto and run to this sadistic guy and kick him the face but I can’t and I don’t. To this day, I wish I did. So yeah, I don’t hate dogs, I just fear them. Something that white Australians don’t get. What they do get is offended if I see a dog and run in the opposite direction. They would rather I scream at the sight of their 6 month old baby than shriek at the sight of their munchkin boo Lady Diana.

Incident 1 : I had gone to my neighbour’s house with my 3 year old cousin and was waiting outside after knocking the door. The door opened ever so slightly and a black daschund-size dog whizzed past my legs onto my baby cousin prancing in delight.Dog prancing not my cousin.My cousin was running around my legs in circle crying and shrieking asking me to pick him up, the dog chasing him and I am frozen in terror screaming my head off. The aunty doesn’t know what to do so she calls her teenage son who bribes the dog with treats. Dog leaves, I pick my cousin up and we dart out of there forgetting the purpose for which we had gone to their place. To this day, I avoid any sort of contact with the next door neighbour.

Incident 2 : It was a nice sunny day and I had taken my 3 cousins (aged 10,7 and 3) to the park. I was pushing the 3 year old on the swing and the 10 year old was pushing her 7 year old sister and we were laughing and chatting away when a door nearby park opens and a huge dog (what is with all these huge dogs? why not a chihuahua?) comes rushing.

dog runner

All of us start screaming. In reflex action, I forget my cousins and rush for my dear life (Hey, don’t judge. It was a do or die situation). The dog runs after me and I am screaming and crying and running circles in the park, the dog chasing me in joyful barks with its tongue lolling around its chin and my cousins screaming out my name like a jinn had possessed them. The owner is calling out the dog’s name but the dog is busy enjoying my squeals of terror to listen to its master. Like in any horror movie, I trip and the dog is over me and I close my eyes because it’s all over.The owner yanks away the dog and mutters an apology but he is clearly insulted at my offensive behaviour. I don’t know what he was expecting : for me to bow down to his dog or what? Naah man ain’t gonna apologise for your hyper canine mate.

dog meme

Dogs and desis do not gel.Well 95% don’t. Apparently Pakistanis are up in the game with most of my friends adopting furry poodles but for Indians and Bangladeshis :  well the hatred is as much and as real as for each other.

***Images and gifs courtesy of Google.


33 thoughts on “He won’t bite. He will just maul you to death.

    OMG Pakistan! Same story!
    It annoys me so much!
    They proudly walk around with the tag of being a Muslim, but where is your patience??!!
    My god, don’t even get me started, Aaliyah.


  2. This post just made me think of my mom and how she’ll fear ANY dog in the area. I’m personally a dog lover. Two of my cousins own big dogs. One has a German Shepherd and the other has a Husky and a Pit/Lab mix. They’re HUGE but they’re so lovable.

    This post was funny though lol think of all the cardio you’d get done by running from dogs 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow German Shepherd and Husky. Yeah those are huge. That’s true. Dogs are lovable animals. Their love scares me off haha. Because they come bounding to me with such happiness, its sad that I run away isn’t it?
      True that. I never ran so fast in my entire life so I guess I owe the dog treats for making me, a person who never works out, burn calories 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL that’s such an unfortunate way of saying it. It’s like “I run away from love and happiness”
        Girllll, you sound like a Bollywood movie waiting to happen 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahaha no it’s because I know how hurtful it is for dog lovers. Like I have a cat that is the most adorable and sweet thing in the planet and when people look at him and act all scared or ewww or something I get so offended and hurt because animals have a bigger heart than humans and how could they and I want to rage haha. But yeah that’s why I feel bad for fearing dogs. They are creatures with feelings too.


      1. Yeah you are right. I most definitely will 🙂 I go through everyone’s post in my reader and read it before I hit the bed at night so dw I shall be reading it soon and leave a feedback/like 🙂 Its my storytime time and I love reading but have unable to go to library recently so blog posts have to do. And everyone is a great writer here masha Allah 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Its the best routine alhumdulillah. Cup of tea in my hand, under a blanket,mobile in hand reading blog posts having a laugh and sometimes being able to relate to some posts makes me happy too. Thank you 🙂 It was awesome.Eid Mubarak to you as well.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. a cheerful post , reminding me of childhood fears which we can now laugh about, I had same fears some years before though street dogs are still no no, my brother is fond of stray dogs ,he enjoyed playing with them,pampering them and they knew him, but to me they always gave a good chase!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it was. To this day I can recall the dog’s face and the look of hurt.And I still can recall the idiot’s face so if I get a chance, he won’t live.
      My pleasure. Thanks for the thought but I think your gift will be highly unnecessary 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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