ME

I thought it would take time

To let go

I thought it would take a while

For you to leave me alone

Those daydreams and

Wishes on stars

Seems forgotten

Promises broken

You promised you would

never hurt me

You promised you would

look out for me

Why do I feel

so lonely and alone

Why do I feel

I have no one at home

They say it takes time

time to heal

Band aids never

do come out easy

Then why does it

hurt still

Why do I

miss you still

I have moved on

made myself busy

But sometimes

something triggers the memory

I walk past that shop

where we tried out costumes

laughed like idiots

howled at the moon

I listen to that song

that we played on repeat

danced on the beds

sang to karaoke

We used to lay down

beneath the open sky

Talk about the future

never knew you would fly

Now I avoid

that shop, those songs

But tell me how do I avoid you

when the heartless stars

follow me along

They tell me to forget you

Its been a long while

Band aid long gone

The wound is still inside

You said you never lie

you said you would never leave

you lied when you left

why did you leave

Long drives

on curvy roads

Windows open

trying to unload

Creating new memories

Meeting new ones

Trying out stuff

Even going on a run

You said you wouldn’t leave me

You are right you never did

I see you everywhere I look

Your presence I am trying to get rid

“Quit it!!” I say

Leave me alone

You say you made a promise

You can’t see me forlorn

Leave me leave me please

Let me move on let me be

No come back I beg of you

I need to hold on I need to see

I need to mourn

I need you

need you

please

don’t go

don’t ever

let go

Lost

alone

Wild in pain

helpless

hopeless

feeling insane

********

I cry in silence

They mock me otherwise

They need to understand

Screaming out loud helps pain subside

So I stand in the balcony

Gazing at the stars

Gazing at memories

Gazing at the scars

Coz even though you ripped me

like a band aid

I can’t howl like they do

They label me with shame

Maybe

screaming will scare you away

Maybe

you might run away

So I shall be quiet

utterly still

Wait for the angel

await the drill

I know you shall be waiting

at the gates of heaven

Renew the memories

Let the games begin.

Weathering the Storm

At around the time I wrote this, I came across Jade’s post on True Strength and heartaches’s post The Journey and I won’t lie, it spooked me a bit because we all wrote on the same topic, same feelings, at the same time. The strongest people are those who smile with scars, those that are battling with their inner demons. They go through anguish and still don’t complain. This poem is for those of you who have weathered the storm but are still holding on to hope, for those fighting the war.And even though life amputates each and every brimming hope and hurls anguish and anxiety, they still laugh or at least pretend to. They know that good times lie ahead over the horizon. They are brave. They are courageous. This is for you.

Her heart aches with memories

Of how it used to be

Things will never go back

To the way it used to be.

There is anguish

There is pain

Too much to process

Events that drive her insane.

She is not herself no more,

She never will be

Used to be young and naive

And now she is a tormented lady.

They say that it’s the past that plagues you,

For her it’s the present that traumatizes her

No matter where she goes,

Hurtful words keep hitting her.

She tries to erase those moments

She tries to restart it all

But they still ridicule her

They still catcall.

Betrayal, lost loyalty

Loved ones turning against her

Her whole world turned upside down

Trustworthy people got even fewer and fewer.

She feels she is the standard

With whom they compare

The others are always a step ahead

The others require greater care.

The others are always better

No matter what they do

Doesn’t matter if they are clumsy

They still much better than any of you.

She wants to escape it all

She wishes she was blind

She wishes she never grew up

She wishes they would leave her behind.

She fears she is going into depression

She fears they will drive her mental

She wishes she could care less

But all efforts prove detrimental.

So now she pretends

She is the best faker

She pretends it’s all right

She is so good at it, they all believe her.

They still don’t leave her alone

They still degrade her

Worst of all is that they don’t realise

That they are hurting her.

So they keep punishing her

For no fault of her own

They keep hating on her

They treat her like she is disowned.

They say she is too sensitive

That little words hurt her easy

They throw passing words that punch her in the gut

She cries alone at night, her sight gets hazy.

Her mum had warned her

Of strangers outside

But mum never warned her

That loved ones could lie.

The most dearest to you

Can become your enemies

They can use your secrets and flaws

And plan their next strategies.

So now she keeps mum

She stays aloof

They call her out for that as well

Her new nickname is rude.

It’s not like she didn’t try

Even tried being extra nice

No use at all

They were still stony iced.

It’s a lost cause

Her words always get misconstrued

She doesn’t know what else to do

She is only 22.

At only 22

She is tired and weary

She has lost all hope

Her life seems dreary.

She doesn’t trust anyone anymore

She is wary of strangers

But she is even more cautious

Of people who claim they are hers.

Because the greatest lesson

That life could teach her

Was that people who she never could imagine

Could one day turn against her.

They are liars

They only tell lies

They are hypocrites

Their words disguised.

She is strong

She stands tall

But once in a while

She breaks down and bawls.

Because her heart aches of memories

Of how much fun it used to be

And she hates to admit it

But things will never go back to how it used to be.