Ssshhh

Sneaking in ever so quietly…..

SuniSneakGif

How has everyone been? I missed my internet fam. There have been sweet comments left on my blog by the absolute sweet sisters that made me melt.I shall get back to responding.

I am back. No, I didn’t get married (fortunately) as some had asked if my husband forbade me to blog. I would rather chuck the husband out than my blog. I had gone overseas and returned back to start my Masters (which is what desi girls do when they don’t get married by the end of Bachelors :P). Masters is draining the hell out of me. Classes all five days 9 to 6 with assignments and assessments. Anyway no excuse will justify my long absence. So let me just make it up by letting your Aussie girl inform you about the weird facts of good ol’ Aus you might not know.

  1. The fact that toilets and bathrooms don’t come with locks. Not all houses, some, but still. My friend bought this house and one of the toilets doesn’t come with a door!! Apparently you have to pay extra for the toilet door.
  2. People in India just drop in without calling. People in Dubai call to let you know they shall be visiting. People in Aus are soo polite that its annoyingly cute. They don’t come. At all. You have to send an invitation and ask them to come because you have started talking to walls. I bet even for my funeral, I shall have to call everyone 2 hours before my imminent death with invitations and ask them to RSVP.
  3. Day light savings.
  4. That my little cousins attend “colleges” (primary level schooling) and my brother and I attend “schools” (a.k.a universities).
  5. That there are alcohol shops next to schools, ahem I mean “colleges”. The two colleges I got to attend here, both had them so I am assuming its a norm for all (Could be wrong. So far no drunk kids spotted.)
  6. Return policy : you can return any item (except bedding,cosmetics and used nappies) as long as you have the receipt. This is the main reason why NRI’s here don’t want to go back to India lol.
  7. The water that flushes the toilet is as filtered as the water that I drink from tap (Let that sink in.)
  8. Almost all shops close by 5 p.m. Worst thing ever. One gets back from work/uni/college/school whatever by evening and the shops are closed. People here don’t sweat about it but as a Dubai mall girl I seem to find it highly unfair that the plaza is open only for housewives.
  9. The public transport system is so unreliable that one is forced to force her brothers and parents to drop her off to station so she doesn’t have to wait for 40 minutes for the bus and walk 1 kilometre to home.
  10. They make you book in for a doctor’s appointment and call you in an hour late than the scheduled time but when its the other way round and you arrive just 5 minutes late, they have to reschedule your appointment to another day because you are late and they weren’t able to torture you to the maximum one hour they are allowed to.
  11. Mcdonald’s also known as Maccas. So when a friend first asked whether I would be interested going to Maccas, I assumed Makkah and stared at her nonplussed. Refused because I hadn’t saved enough money for the pilgrimage when really she was asking whether I would like to hang out for a 4 dollar McFlurry milkshake.
  12. The slang language. Barbeque = barbie, afternoon = arvo, etc. There is a whole dictionary full of it and I could write a post just on it.
  13. Honey soy chicken chips.Like whaaaat? So its a potato chips chicken flavoured. All good yeah? But no, lets vegetify it and add soy. Make it a little bit healthy. Let the vegetarians taste the goodness of chicken. But wait, what about people with a sweet tooth? Can’t forget them now can we? Ergo honey.
  14. Vegemite. Nuff said. For those who want to have a lick at it, I have one that expired a year ago that I received when I got my citizenship and we got it from the council for becoming an Aussie. So you shout Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi (while balancing the Aussie passport on your head) and then scoop a chunk of vegemite and dunk it in. If you can’t eat that scoopful, you aint becoming an Aussie. That’s how Stralians play mate!! We keep that honey soy chicken close and vegemite even closer. (Disclaimer : Not sponsored by Vegemite or the chickens.)
  15. Australia is the only country where it is legal to eat the national animal. But I mean kangaroos!!! Why??Kangaroo-Selfie.jpg

Any Aussies reading the post : you can come at me. These are my observations and the intention wasn’t to offend/insult Australia/Australians. I love me my Aussie barbie and we can have a nice chat some arvo.We can have vegemite together too.

The One

When I tell my friends of my parents actively searching for a guy for me, they seem confused. “But how do you know that he will be the one?” You don’t. You make him the one for you.

Arranged marriage is a weird concept to white people. Dating is frowned upon in my culture(Bollywood creates false image of acceptance of love.Those aunties that click their tongues when they see you talking to the opposite gender don’t make the movies.It’s the desi uncle who love masala and spice)and forbidden in my religion. It is hard when you have clash of cultures, religions and people in a group. One of my non-desi non-muslim friend has a boyfriend, one of them is a muslim desi engaged to be married and I am the single muslim desi. So while both of them are busy texting their significant others, I am deciding on what snacks will be awaiting me when I reach home from uni. Not that I am complaining coz hey, the sight of food pleases me just as much. I get all mushy too when I see steaming pizza and we never fight like ever. Food and I are just meant to be.

pizza

These days all I hear about are proposals and marriage and my friends getting engaged, my cousins getting engaged, when the marriage date is getting fixed and which aunty is searching for a boy for their girl or a girl for their boy. Maybe I grew up and that is why these topics seem more pronounced to me because all of a sudden the theme changed from career to husbands. And I wasn’t prepared. I am still in the career mode. And while marriage won’t put a full stop to that dream of mine, it will most definitely be a life-changing experience. And I hate changes. Well, changes are good or I would get bored of routine. But not my life change changes. The plaza gets renovated, the apps get updated and my house gets repainted, that’s all cool. But changing house, families, living with new people, it will take ages getting used to it. Even though it has been 5 years since I moved to Aus, I still wake up in the morning and wonder where am I? for a few seconds. If 16 years of living in Dubai did that to me, you can only imagine my reaction 22 years living with my family will have on me. I shall wake up and scream at my husband and ask “Who are youuu??”

rapunzel

My parents will celebrate their 27 years of marriage in October. When white people reach such jubilees in their time of spending together, they get asked what is the secret? Desi people have unlocked the secret ages ago. The secret is live together,STAY together (no matter what, even if the husband is ugly). I can’t say for desi people my generation now though. Divorces are getting common in my area too unfortunately. And as cliché  as that sounds, I feel social media is partly to blame. Wives are in competition of which husband gave the best present and who is more romantic and where did which couple celebrate their getaway.You know, that competitive desi mentality lol. Its ruining marriages now.But that is just the tip of the iceberg.Other factors account too.

Now, when I am at that age of what is supposedly every girl’s dream of meeting the one, it doesn’t seem all rosy. Books and movies don’t offer step by step manual.Even if they did, chuck it away and create your own.That doesn’t mean it will be a fairytale story. You got to prepare yourself for the bumpy ride.And I guarantee it will be smooth sailing after for a long long time. The magic word is compromise.

***All opinions stated are mine (ok some might be the influence of a couple of aunties and grandmothers’ advice. I went to a party recently and got heaps and loads of advice on how to handle marriage so yeah.They told me to compromise I replied yolo (not really)).

***All images and gif via Google Images.

You know you are desi when..

  • your mum asks who is going to marry you if you wake up so late.
  • your mum asks who is going to marry you if you don’t learn to cook.
  • your mum asks who is going to marry you if your roti ain’t round.

roti

  • your mum asks who is going to marry you if you don’t keep your room clean.
  • your mum asks who is going to marry you if you don’t know how to do the laundry.
  • your relatives ask who is going to marry you because you didn’t turn out to be a doctor.
  • your relatives ask who is going to marry you with all that NRI attitude.
  • you get to know the requirements of being eligible for a proposal (for a girl : young,fair,slim,tall,doctor,good-looking, great at household responsibilities, can cook, clean, soft spoken, well mannered etc etc. and for the boy : good salary)
  • you hear aunties talking about complexions (bechaari ka rang kam hai (poor girl is dark skinned) or parhne likhne main kuch nahi lekin rang bohat saaf hai (does not excel in studies but is really fair)).
  • you have billions of events to attend from birthdays to weddings and funerals and graduations etc.
  • you attend desi parties and have no one your age group to talk to.
  • you attend desi parties and its full of discussion on how corrupt your country is or how politicians are greedy and useless and not fulfilling their promises.
  • you attend desi parties and its full of gossip.

gossip

  • you attend desi parties and meet an aunty you have never seen before who questions everything about you from the moment you were born to your future plans, hobbies,career aspirations either to gain information for gossip or to check whether you would be a suitable match for her sister’s son back in India who is doing M.Tech and already has a job offer.
  • you attend desi weddings and all aunties be looking at you rather than the bride because they are searching for a bride for their sons.
  • you can’t wear makeup to a party (eyeshadows and bright lipsticks are a no-no) because aunties be zooming in on your face and turning noses so high up in air with scorn and disgust that it practically touches the ceiling and comment on the fact that at their time girls didn’t even look at makeup before marriage and girls nowadays are wearing so much makeup that they look like brides when in fact you just wore a thin line eyeliner (not even winged eyeliner) and a slight tint of lipgloss. Mind you, these same aunties are wearing bright red lipstick and bright pink blush that they didn’t even blend in properly. I personally believe they are fuming on the inside with jealousy that they didn’t have awesome makeup and makeup tricks at their time and try to make it up now by not letting any one wear it).
  • you can’t talk about the m word (marriage) because aunties be commenting on the fact that you are so shameless but then they ask your mum in front of you,your brothers and father whether she has started to search for prospective proposals for you.

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  • you call one of these aunties “aunty” and they wince out audibly in pain because they are only 20-30 years older than you and hence fit under the category of appi or didi (older sister).
  • your parents lament the fact that you are a disgrace to their upbringing but get overprotective when an aunty or uncle enquire about you. In fact each desi party is not complete without a boasting competition on whose son or daughter is better.

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  • your studies is all computer-based but your parents assume you are always on YouTube or Facebook or Twitter when really you are just finishing up last minute assignments.
  • you have extended relatives that you never knew about and when you visit India your mum introduces you to some random person who supposedly is your father’s sister’s son’s uncle’s cousin’s daughter’s husband.The meeting is awkward. The questions are awkward.The answers are awkward. But you gotta be polite and smile awkwardly.
  • you are a trophy, a medal that your parents have to polish and shine so the society knows your worth and what a good job your parents did in raising you up.
  • your success depends on whether or not you became a successful doctor.
  • your beauty depends on whether or not you are fair and lovely. Also whether you are thin or not.
  • your status depends on what brand of ethnic clothing you wear, what/how many cars you own, how many kids you have, how many types of cutlery dishes you have, how many succesful huge parties you throw, how many properties you own, how many high profile upper class society people you know.
  • you can’t be on your phone 24/7 because everyone starts commenting on your zero social skills and your upbringing and how rude you are being because back in their time they would greet the guests at the door and take out the guests’ slippers and attend to the guests’ needs and entertain the guests and serve dinner and after-dinner tea and sweet dishes and put on the slippers and wave them goodbye till the guests’ car could no longer be seen.

I shall stop now. Sorry for the long list.

*Disclaimer : This is a satirical post written in good humour to incite laughter among my readers. The intention was not to offend parents,aunties, desi elders in general. Some points are exaggerations inspired by real life events, some are a balance between typical desi mindsets and attitude and some are just plain fiction. My mum is a total chill person who lets me sleep in late during weekends and vacations but advises me to train myself to wake up early. She has taught me the basics but knows I will cook and do laundry when the time comes. In fact above points do not represent my parents. With the points relating to aunties, I shall let you decide.

***All images and gif via Google Images.

Mad about Minions???(Movie Review)

My brothers and I are BIG fans of Despicable Me. We love the girls especially adorable Agnes and the-giant-with-a-heart Gru  who changed our view and showed that even villains can be cool. As if that wasn’t enough,the bumbling Minions tumbled into our hearts with their mindless chuckling and giggling.

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When the trailer for Minions came out, we were excited and planned on watching it at the theatres. The trailer was hilarious and we enjoyed the 3 minute clip so much so that we watched it multiple times (not exaggerating). It released in Ramadan here in Australia and we decided to watch it after Eid when the crowds of little kids would have died down. Mikaeel’s university had not yet reopened, mine had (I skipped the lecture that day) and my older brother had returned from his class by midday. We were playing out the dialogues in the car and laughing hysterically as we entered the parking lot for the cinema. We were excited like a bunch of little kids who had heard the ice cream van. Yes, we are in our 20’s and we proudly declare that animated movies are not just for children. I bet you wouldn’t be ashamed of watching Tom and Jerry no matter how old you get.

We got the tickets and were seated in the middle. There weren’t much kids. In fact, there were more young adults like us than kids.Would have to do with the fact that it was a school afternoon.As soon as the movie started, everyone settled down. The movie started quite alright and we were awaiting for those jokes that would have us in zealous overlaughter (I made that word up : overlaughter not zealous). And we waited. And we waited. The movie ended and we waited because we thought maybe the end credits would have us rolling on the floors.

disappointed minion

Long story short : Utterly disappointed. Did not even incite a chuckle. The only funny and ingenious bits were in the trailer. So if you want to watch the Minions : DO NOT!!

Watch the trailer. It’s free. It’s funny.It saves time.

***All images via Google Images

Bored of board games??

I am a 90’s kid and as most people who grew up in the 90’s would know, board games, tamagotchis and Pokemon were the rage. In fact, my brothers and I have an ice cream box filled with Pokemon cards. My little brother Mikaeel and I were reminiscing about how we used to spend summer vacation nights playing Monopoly and how we had three tamagotchis, one for each. Mine and Mikaeel’s was a blue tamagotchi while my older brother Khalid had a red tamagotchi and we all had dinosaurs as pets. Somehow they died and I can’t recall if we ever named them. I, to this day, believe 90’s era was the best era to be brought up in.


tamagotchipokemon

My parents recently hosted a dinner party where the guests were a mix of aunties, uncles and the littlies (ranging from 5 to 12 years of age). To keep the kids entertained, we downloaded a couple of animated movies. When we questioned whether they would like to watch Minions, a general response of “We’ve already watched it” rang out. After giving them a series of options such as Home, Tangled, Frozen, Up, Toy Story (all three parts), Monsters, Inc., etc, and getting “no, nope, borrrriinngg, seen that, hate that” in response, I decided to settle for my final trump card : Lion King (a movie that even I (non-repeater of books and movies) would watch countless times over and still not be able to get over Mufasa’s death). I was shocked when almost all kids made a face in mock horror for me to be so stupid as to suggest such an old classic when they found the recents so ho hum and mundane. So then I brought my board games such as Monopoly, Ludo, Battleship, Snakes and Ladders, Scrabble and Pictionary among many others.

monopoly-w-baltic

What I didn’t realise was that these kids were the I generation, where iPhones, iPads and iMac dominated their eating,sleeping and waking habits. They slept with iPhone’s in their hands, woke up with it ringing and ate with Youtube playing their cartoons. So naturally the concept of board games as a form of entertainment not only seemed medieval but absurd to them. And no matter how exciting or appealing I tried to make the plastic counters and cardboard game board, the kids just seem uninterested and indifferent. In the end I gave up and fetched the iPad that resulted in squeals of pleasure and satisfaction and a few minutes later the ruckus died down as they found a video suited to everyone’s taste. I was left with feelings of woe and disappointment, seeing them huddled around screen, eyes wide, enchanted and motionless, almost brain dead as zombies, recalling how I used to scream and shout at Mikaeel for taking rent money from me when I was broke at Monopoly, not considering the fact that I was his only sister.

Maybe I consider 90’s to be the best, the same way my mum considers her childhood to be the best. Maybe these kids will grow up someday and shake their heads at their kids with 4D technology and futuristic gadgets and recount on how their childhood was simple and the best. And maybe I should just consider being grateful for having such great childhood memories while understanding that each kid is living the best childhood he/she can.

*** All images taken from Google Search

I am addicted…to Trivia Crack (App Review)

Before all those aunties start shaking  their heads and start giving my example to their kids on me coming out as a drug addict & getting high on some crack, let me clarify : Trivia Crack really does get me high. I get euphoric when I am able to crush and beat my opponent. I get excited when my questions get approved or when I win a challenge. I get ecstatic when I am able to guess a question right without having to use my coins.


Trivia Crack is an educational game that is a perfect mix of entertainment and knowledge. There is a free version at the app store and an ad-free one that you have to pay for. You create an account through email or Facebook and start playing with your Facebook friends or random people.


There are two game modes : classic and challenge.


In classic you verse your friend or the random person you are playing with. There are six categories : Entertainment, Art, Sports, History, Science and Geography.The aim of the game is to answer correctly the questions of the six categories that the game has to offer. There is a wheel of chance that spins and lands on the category. If you get three categories right, you get to choose which crown character you would like to win or challenge your friend to win his/her character.


  
The first person to get all characters wins the game.

There are four options to choose from when answering.


You also get power ups such as extra time ( which costs you a coin but you get extra 15 seconds to answer) , bomb (5 coins (it eliminates two options)), double chance (5 coins ( you get to answer one more time if you answered incorrectly ) and the option to skip the question (3 coins). When you win a classic game you gain 3 coins.

Now in a challenge game, you are pitted against 15 to 20 people who are currently playing the game. The amount of coins you can gain varies but the minimum is 6. You get 2 questions from each category and you can’t use the power up options. It is also a race against time as the person who scores the highest in the least amount of time wins.

There are several pros and cons to the game.

Advantages :

  • It is a great way to pass the time while you are on the commute or in a long queue.
  • You increase knowledge in a fun interactive way.
  • It has quite many features to dabble with.
  • You get to create your own questions and rate other’s questions.
  • One can interact and communicate with players within games.
  • The game comes in several languages such as Chinese, Spanish, Danish, Swedish, etc.

Disadvantages:

  • The free version is crap as the game crashes once a video ad starts playing and you lose your turn.
  • You are able to get 3 turns but you must wait for an hour for each to charge. You can buy lives (with real money) so you get 5 lives instead of 3.
  • The ad free version retails for $ 3 on the app store which is a huge amount for just a game *
  • Since the game’s questions are created by the players, the credibility and the content of questions can be compromised.
  • Suggested questions must be approved by other players who can reject if they wish so.
  • I find that the there aren’t diverse questions in the art category. It would be great to include questions on fashion, literature and the like instead of just on Renaissance painters.

The game is great if you pay for it as the app store has many customers who are complaining about it crashing in the middle due to ad. It tends to be very frustrating especially when you are winning. Other than that it is an addictive game and I enjoy playing it.

* Update : The game is currently for $0.99 for a limited time at the time of writing.

***All images are screenshots from my iPhone.