(Cough cough. Pardon the smoke)
I have been giving examinations my whole life. From the age of 4 to 22. So even though I don’t have a technical degree in Masters of Examination, I have in fact mastered the art of cramming and vomiting. Notes not chocolates.
Last Thursday I bid farewell and resigned from the position of student. I had my final exams and it went great alhumdulillah. Thanks to all who wished me good luck.
Now I have attended various examination halls throughout my prolific career. And I have observed various kinds of examinees.
- Diva : This is the girl that prepared more for her appearance than the exam. She has the full makeup with fake eyelashes, knee length boots and a poncho. Her hair is straightened sleek and she looks like she stepped out of a fashion magazine. When other students are busy poring into the textbook, she is running around the hall looking for the perfect lighting to capture that duckface selfie. She is busy rolling her eyes at students who are crazy for checking out their books than her. No point avoiding coz she is already avoiding you.
- The anti-diva : This is the guy that probably hasn’t showered ever since the examination month has started. He looks homeless with clothes crumpled, few flies buzzing around his head, a scruffy beard with few lice running on it and a stench that kills everyone except the flies and the lice. He is the guy you go and stand next to if you haven’t prepared for the exam as it wouldn’t technically be a suicide on your part or murder on his. He hasn’t been studying either as he is seen running around people asking if they could lend him notes on Biochemistry. He probably spends time in his dungeon playing Halo or World of Warcraft and attends examinations to get some fresh air and sunlight. Avoid him and thou shalt live.
- The nerd : This girl knows anything and everything and sole purpose of her life is to make sure you are sufficiently stocked up on stress by asking whether you have studied for Chapter 15 on Lipids and Fats that the lecturer had hinted wouldn’t be appearing in the exam but she has studied because the previous year papers had a full 15 mark question on it. So now you are stressed and ask her to give a quick summary. The summary turns into a novel and a nightmare and now you have forgotten the rest of the chapters. With a blank face and an equally blank mind, this chick is satisfied that her job here is done. AVOID AVOID AVOID
- The examiner : This is the friend that you actively avoid after completing the exam because she is the second examination that you aren’t prepared for. Her questions don’t give you any bonus marks, only bonus anguish as she confirms whether her answers match yours.”Did you write glycophospholipids for question 5 because Caleb said he wrote cholesterol but in the textbook it says glycophospholipids and remember how Trevor was saying that he will ask a question on glycophospholipids and I checked and that was the only question that’s answers would be glycophospholipids?” Or “What did you answer for that question, false yeah? coz it couldn’t be true and I did the practice exam and it said false so like 2 marks there yeaaah high five!!” You give the high five and a fake laugh and nod your head to agree like pfft yeaah totally while internally screaming and stabbing daggers because you had actually ticked true. She revises the whole exam paper and you feel your confidence dwindling to such a low that you are sure you have failed that paper. Avoid at all costs.
- The excited bloke : He is the guy who is chuffed on completing his paper. It doesn’t matter whether he was snoring the whole time and didn’t actually write a single word. He attended, slept on the exam and has finished just like the others. He is generous with bear hugs and handshakes and high fives and woohoooos that it becomes a nightmare for hijabis to not reciprocate the happiness. You seem like a party pooper for not hugging around and celebrating. Fellow Muslim sisters, avoid this one. The rest, go give him a bear hug. He showers so don’t worry, no stench fumes.
6. The toilet camper : This is the guy that is a restless nervous ball of wreck. He has to rush to the toilet every 10 seconds and its not a silent rush either. Full throttle running up and down banging tables along the way announcing his entries and exits each time.One can never get used to it because as soon as you have adjusted your table, the tornado strikes again. Can’t avoid even if you wished.
7. The one more sheet/the hand shooter : This is the guy/girl that asks for an extra sheet as soon as the paper has started. You have just finished your silent prayers asking Allah to make the questions easy and flip the paper over to skim through the questions and this person already has his hand shot up, greedy eyes demanding extra sheets to gobble up. Can’t avoid, can’t ignore.
8. The silent ninja : This is a person that is actually quite hard to spot. He or she is seen outside exam halls revising by themselves silently, finishing up their exam papers in a calm and collected way and heading out with no emotions whatsoever. And when the results are released, their names are at the top of the list and everyone wonders who the hell were these inconspicuous ninja nerds? Didn’t notice, no avoidance.
9. The last minute-er : This is the person who literally does nothing in the exam. Sometimes he sleeps like the excited bloke but more often than not, he is just sitting there observing other students, creeping at a girl from behind or just looking at the clock the way a prisoner stares at walls. He hasn’t even touched the paper and he doesn’t seem too bothered. He is awaiting for the announcement of “15 minutes left”. That’s when his comatose brain comes to life. Now he starts attempting the questions in a frenzy. And when the examiner comes to take his sheet, he transforms into a wrestler and doesn’t love his beloved go. I guess he was playing hard to get. Don’t avoid, watch him struggle.
10. The cool girl : Ahem me? Oh why thanks. I don’t like to talk about myself really. Awww you insist? Alright, if you say so. I am a cut above all the rest. I shall be outside the exam halls pacifying people who think they will fail insisting they will pass. While in the exam hall, I shall be as light as a feather and as quite as a mouse. No, I am not the silent ninja. I am better. Once the exams are done, I shall be back to counseller mode pacifying friends that we either aced it or failed it and treat them to ice creams and cupcakes. Don’t avoid. Come join.
To all those appearing for exams, Good Luck. I am the last polar bear at the moment. Shall be hibernating for dayyyzz.
Haha…that was so funny. You really took me back to my school and uni days and I really started figuring out who was suitable for which post 😉
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Yaaay!!! I am glad this was a good throwback post for you 😀
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You’re just mind-boggling. Take away all my words and give me a millionth part of this humor. 😦 Please.
What are you? Really. 😛
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Well, all those observations make me wonder whether you actually saw the examination paper or not.
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Hahaha multitasker at heart. Besides all these characters seemed to take the stress away.
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Loved this. That cat meme will keep me smiling until tomorrow you know 😂 I was the insomniac examinee I guess. No sleep for 3 days before exam (including the night before), go do 3 hour exam on, I repeat: no sleep at all. Finish paper, grab a cab home coz too zombified for the bus at this point and literally sleep for EIGHTEEN HOURS straight. I passed Alhamdulilah…😅
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Awww I am glad. Cats are ze best 😀
Woaaah for real? How are you alive gurl?
All for the love of exams eyy? That’s crazy though.
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Absolutely. It was when I was younger. I could literally never do it now-I’m older. I went to work once on ONE night’s no sleep and I was swaying and hanging on to the walls for support 😅
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Hahaah sleep is important. Take care of yourself. Work comes later. Am I sounding like your mum now? LOL
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Man I need much more sleep the older that I get 👵
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Really? Its the opposite for me. I can’t seem to sleep much these days.
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Nice Sharing.
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hahahaha!!! that’s an awesome one perfect to be read before writing an exam myself!! You are lucky – ur’s is over! 😛 I’m stuck with my 1rst yr -_- grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl!!!
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Good Luck!! In sha Allah you will do well. So are you the first or second panda currently? 😛
And dw. It will all be over before you know it.
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hahah thnakyou habibthi! :* ❤ haha currently on the day of exam I'm both those together! 😛 A mixture if u wanna claim!! hahaha!! sometimes too much relaxation, sometimes full of happiness! 😉 yaa only till Wednesday!! 😛
At this time I am the bear at the top! 😛 No mood to study! 😛
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And then there’s me – with good ol’ designer bags under my blood shot eyes, new yellowish set of teeth from all the caffeine I had been drinking since exams started, bird’s nest of a hair in which you might even find an odd pencil if you’re lucky and clothes so crumbled that they become the new fashion.
Aaah, exams! :’)
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Hahaha awww tis ok. I hope you get a good rest and bounce back fresh.
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Great post, it took me back, I’m not keen to go through that again. Well done for finishing!
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Thanks Eric and yes I am glad. Wouldn’t be missing this aspect of student years at all.
Thanks for the wish 🙂
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And the there is that very hot invigilator that secretly smiles at you and distracts you throughout the exam!
And the beauty queens are so common during exams!
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lol really? All invigilators I had were senior grandpas.
Aren’t they though? Like dude go to a mall then come attend exam.
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Yeah, you won’t believe it. All my igcse exams were filled with cute invigilators.
Even the female invigilators were so cute, lol :p
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Really? Send some over haha. At least it must have made giving exams a bit less stressful 😛
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Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.
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Thanks Imran. I shall keep that in mind and yes I am sleeping in peace 🙂
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Yaaaaaaay!!! I missed you! So relatable (as always) and a great post to make your entrance known to all! Alhamdulillah, I’m glad it all went good for you. Hope the results are just as sweet 🙂
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I misssed you tooo!!!! Haha thanks.
Yeah alhumdulillah. Thanks for the duas and wishes. Helped me pull through.
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Bwahahahaha excellent! I’m glad you’re back and sane (exams can leave people retarded at times. Just too much pressure :P)
That was hilarious, and I swear all of that is SO true and relatable. I’m a little like you too, I tend to be the one who’s not revising right before the exam and I’m calming my friends, but I still score good alhamdullilah so they dont listen saying I have no reason to fret and worry anyway
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High five.
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Sure. High five 👋 (not lanat :P)
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LOL lanat
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Hahahahah revels.. Hadd hai yar. 😛
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No because the hand looks like lanat lekan I mean high five 😆
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LOL
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Lol. tum mention na bhi karteen tb bhi I’d have known 🙂 Kheyr hai.
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Yaaay I am glad to be back too with a sane mind.
Thanks revels.and woohoo hi 5. Let’s go have cupcakes 😀
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With oozing chocolate on the inside 😀
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Yeah ooohhh I am drooling now haha
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Hey hijabi you can explain superb and outstanding feelings and thinking i love and i like it this post is so good
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Thank you so much 🙂
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Your welcome dear
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Totally,avoid the nerds. 😉
Thanks for your sweet wishes.
Enjoy hibernating XD
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Yup you got that right.
No problem. Good Luck!!
And yeah thanks. I am having a blast 😛
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HAHA this is so light humor 🙂 Really nicely put into words. Good luck with your result 🙂
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Thank you.For the sweet feedback and the wish 🙂
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Welcome 🙂 mam
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Haha! The last polar bear and that walk out of the hall! I forgot what I was going to write after seeing those two pictures! I’ll come back later with a proper comment 😉
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Hahaha aren’t they cute though?
And nooo I promise I won’t post too much adorability haha
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Wondered where you went. Alhumdulillah you will do wonderfully 🙂
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I had my uni exams and had taken break from blogging.Glad to be back.Thanks Star 🙂
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I miss schooooooool!
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Lol I don’t think you would be missing exams though.
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I’m gald you’re back. 😊 I’ve missed reading your post. Hope you’re exams went well.
😂😂😂 I love this, its so accurate I’ve come across all these types of people. Don’t forget the FRST TO FINISH. Even when an exam seems difficult, this person is still the first to finish maintaining their reputation, as if extra mark is awarded.
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Awww you are so sweet.I am glad to be back.And yes alhumdulillah they went great.
Hahaha how did I miss that one out? Thanks for adding in.
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